Staying Close
Work through disagreements. Even if you and your sister have arguments, she’s still going to be your sister. Figure out the best way to cool off and then come back to her. Apologize and ask her if you can move forward. “I’m sorry I got so upset about you being late. There was no reason for me to yell. Can you forgive me?” “I really thought it was a bad idea for you to date that guy. Sorry. I was wrong -- he is a pretty cool guy, and it’s certainly not my place to judge and then tell you what I think you should do.” “You were right. I was dressed completely wrong for that party and I had a terrible time. And since we had argued, I felt even worse. I should have come with you and your friends.”
Be honest with her. You and your sister are together for life, and if your sister asks your advice, be honest while also being diplomatic and sympathetic. Even if it’s not what she wants to hear, you are in a better position than almost anyone to tell her what you actually think and make her listen. She is also in that same position for you. Parental advice can sometimes feel meddling, but a sibling’s advice is often just what you need.
Keep her informed about your life. Your family is often your best support throughout your life, and your sister could be the most important part of that. She will be with you through the big events in your life, and having someone to turn to in difficult times that really knows you can be incredibly helpful. She probably knows you better than anyone else, and it’s to your advantage to keep your relationship strong and close.
Be an emotional support. Everyone has difficult moments, and sometimes a sibling can help comfort you better than anyone, and vice versa. It’s usually not about giving advice -- if she wants it, she will ask -- but just about being there when things don’t go well. Be a good listener. Really paying attention to her problems can be helpful to her and deepen the relationship the two of you have.
Make sure she knows how much she means to you. If you don’t like telling her how much you love her, do kind things for her. Give thoughtful gifts, celebrate with her when things are going well, and be there to cheer her up when life isn’t so easy.
Thinking About Your Behavior
Examine the current relationship you have with your sister. Are you jealous of your sister? Do you pick fights with her and realize that’s what you’re doing? It might be that part of the problem is you, and your sister is responding to your treatment. It also might be that you have been busy with your own friends and life and haven’t paid much attention to her for a while.
Determine what kind of relationship you want with your sister. Whether she’s older or younger, close or far apart in age, every sibling relationship is different and the dynamics are dependent upon your personalities. Think about how you want to interact with your sister and how you want your relationship to work. Do you want to be buddies and go to parties together? Would you rather have her as a mentor figure to help you figure out problems in your own life? Do you want to help, guide, and protect her?
Think about how you see your sister. Are you still thinking of her as she was five years ago? Do you really know her as she is now? It’s easy to not pay attention to how your sister is growing and changing -- she’s always around and you have a lot going on in your own life. If you don’t really know what your sister is like now, or her interests or friends, it’s time to get to know her. She might feel the same about you. Come up with some fun questions you two could ask each other, from wacky to ordinary: favorite movie of the last few years, favorite weird-sounding ice cream flavor, place she’d most or least like to visit. Follow her on social media -- you will be able to see how she presents herself and her interests, who her friends are, and how she sees her place in the world. Take a trip together. It could be a simple as an overnight camping trip to the beach or getting a motel room at the mountain. There’s just something about a trip with someone that can really help you get to know them more and open up. Do an activity together. It could be anything -- rollerskating, volunteering at a soup kitchen, learning yoga together, whatever you and your sister think sounds fun. Look through old pictures of yourself together. Remember some of the fun (and not-so-fun) times from childhood.
Start fresh in the relationship. We all come to sibling relationships with baggage from the past, but it can weigh on both you and your sister. Forgive past behavior of your sister’s that you haven’t liked. Don’t re-hash arguments or problems you had when you were both much younger.
Reaching Out to Your Sister
Tell her you want to make time to be a better sister. Ask her how she would like your relationship to change. She might have some great ideas in addition to the ones you’ve already considered. Make sure that you have this conversation in private and with plenty of time to talk.
Do activities together. Find something that you both enjoy doing and make time to do it with her. Sometimes it’s hard to find common interests, and it might be fun for you to try something new together and see if you both like it (or both hate it). Go to a movie Watch TV series Learn how to kayak Take a cooking class together Explore a new neighborhood Try a new restaurant
Keep in touch. A lot of siblings find that short texts and Facebook posts help keep them close, rather than lots of long conversations. Once you and your sister have established a strong relationship, keep it up through shorter, casual contact with long conversations every so often.
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