How to Not Care What Other People Think of You

Changing Your Perspective

Build your confidence. If you want to stop caring about what others think of you, then you have to work on building your confidence as much as you can. Though it can take years to truly love yourself and be happy with the person who you are, taking steps to get there will help you feel more secure in who you are and less likely to care about the haters who are getting you down. Here are some ways to work on building your confidence: Write down all of the things you love about yourself. Take the time to acknowledge what an amazing person you are. Work on accepting the flaws you can’t change. You’ll never be truly confident if you’re not able to accept some of the things you can’t change about yourself, whether it’s your voice or your height. Spend more time doing things you’re good at. You’ll be much more confident if you spend more time doing the things that make you feel like you’re skilled and talented. Spend time volunteering. Seeing that you have something to offer to the world will make you feel like you’re a worthy person. Take care of yourself. Making an effort to exercise, eat well, shower regularly, and wear well-fitting clothes can make you feel better about who you are. Fake it until you make it. Having good posture, smiling, avoiding slouching or fidgeting too much, and keeping your body “open” when you talk to others can all make you project more confidence than you may feel.

Don’t overthink it. Another way to spend less time caring about what others think is simply to turn your mind to other things. If you spend all of your time worrying about some comment someone made, wondering what people thought of your new outfit, or not trusting the compliment someone gave you, then you’re never going to feel good about yourself. Instead of analyzing what people think of you, focus on thinking about the positive reinforcement people give you and don’t waste your energy worrying about whether something was less-than-positive. You are your own worst enemy when it comes to caring about what other people think or say about you. You have the power to decide how much or how little it’s going to matter to you. Instead, focus on thinking about the things you’re good at, exciting future plans, or about the people who do make you feel good. You may sometimes feel like there’s no one in your life giving you positive reinforcement, but if you think about it more, you should be able to think of someone, whether it’s a teacher, a neighbor, or a classmate. Step back, breathe, and understand that the negative images you have of yourself are irrational!

Make a gratitude list. You’ll be less likely to care about what people think if you focus on all of the good things in your life and all of the things you have to be thankful for. Take the time to sit down for at least 15 minutes and write down all of the things you’re grateful for. This can include things you love about yourself, the roof over your head, your favorite parts of the town where you live, your pet, your friends, or anything else that brings joy and meaning to your life. Keep writing for at least 15 minutes until you’ve filled the page. You’ll see that you have more to be happy about than you think. Review this list and add to it at least once a week. You can even tape it above your desk or keep it in your wallet. Having a list of all of the good things in your life can remind you that you shouldn’t spend so much time worrying about the negativity out there. If the list doesn’t do enough for you, you can also spend more time expressing gratitude. Telling your friends, family members, and the other people in your life how much they mean to you can show you that you should focus on the good things people do for you, not the bad things that some people think.

Learn to think more positively. Though you may feel like it’s hard to think positively when so many people in your school are being negative or just saying terrible things about you, but you have to make an effort to see the silver lining behind the clouds, even if you feel like you’re in the middle of a downpour. Make an effort to focus on the things you’re happy and excited about instead of the things that bring you down, and try to talk about the good things instead of the bad as much as you can. Even if you feel like you’re forcing yourself to talk about positive things when you don’t feel very uplifted, this can help you change your perspective to focus more on all of the good things going on for you. Make an effort to smile more. Even if you’re just smiling at strangers, this can have the effect of making both them and you happier. Learn to live in the present a bit more. If you spend too much time worrying about mistakes you’ve made in the past or dreading the future, then you won’t be able to enjoy all of the beautiful things right before your eyes.

Feel sorry for the haters. As you learn to love yourself more and begin to care about what other people think less, you can start to develop a more mature perspective, where you realize that the people who are being mean to you or saying bad things about you are doing so simply because they are insecure, not happy with themselves, and trying to make themselves look better by making you look worse. These people have low self-esteem and are mean-spirited, and you’re better than that. Instead of hating them back, if you learn to just pity them and keep your distance, it can make you feel like you have the upper hand. You don’t have to tell them that you feel sorry for them. It’s enough to know this for yourself.

Realize that most of the time, people aren’t even thinking of you. Another thing to keep in mind is that while you may be worrying about what people are thinking about you, they may be worrying about their own problems. Most of the time, other people are too self-absorbed or distracted to spend a lot of their energy and effort even thinking about you at all. This shouldn’t be depressing, but liberating—99% of the time when you worry that people are judging you, you couldn’t be the furthest thing from their minds. This means that, whether you wear a new outfit, get a new haircut, say something outspoken in class, or just do your own thing, most people rarely give it much of a thought. Think about it: you’re too busy being worried about what people think of you to consider what other people are wearing or saying, right?

Accept that you can’t please everybody. It’s likely that there are many people in your life who have different ideas about what the best path for you looks like. Your teachers, parents, friends, or classmates probably all have a different idea of what acceptable behavior is and what you should do, say, and wear to be your best self. In the end, the best thing you can do is realize that you can’t ever make everybody happy and that you have to do what’s best for you. Someone will always have a negative reaction to what you do, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make decisions or spend so much time pleasing everybody without having time to discover who you really are. In the end, you have to only care about pleasing yourself. If your ideas of what’s the best course of action align with those of your parents or classmates, then great, but that shouldn’t be your goal.

Taking Action

Spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself. One of the easiest ways to stop caring so much about what people think is to try to surround yourself with as many considerate and supportive people as possible. If one of the people who is always bringing you down is a mean pseudo-friend or even a frenemy, then you may want to look out for more people who want you to succeed instead of bringing you down; if you spend more time around people who only want the best for you, then you’ll be a happier person and will spend less effort worrying about what people think. Think about it: is there someone in your social circle who almost never gives you positive reinforcement and who is always bringing you down? Even if this person is an old friend, you should think about whether or not it’s worth it to save the relationship. Of course, sometimes you’re stuck spending time with people who bring you down, whether it’s at a family party or in your chemistry class. Just try to create as much distance between you and the bothersome person as possible and focus on the people in the room that you actually like.

Pursue interests that make you feel good about yourself. The more time you spend doing the things that you love or the things that you’re good at, the less likely you’ll be to care about what other people think. Whether you’re great at skiing, love playing basketball, volunteer at your local bookstore, or spend a lot of time cooking with your family, you should recognize whatever it is that makes you feel happy and try to do it as much as you can. The more time you spend doing the things you love, the less time you’ll spend worrying about the haters. If you’re too busy doing something that puts a smile on your face, you won’t have time to stop and worry about what other people think of you. Plus, if you take classes or make another effort to do the things you love, you’re more likely to find more people who share your interests. This support network can help you feel less alone.

Set goals and meet them. Another way to take action to stop caring about what people think is to set goals that make you feel like you are accomplishing a lot and moving forward in your life. Whether you want to write a novel, run a 10K, get straight As, or pursue another goal, you should make a list of all of the things you need to do to get there and to be proud of yourself for working hard to achieve your dreams. Not only will setting goals and achieving them make you feel better about yourself, but it will also take your mind off of the haters. If you’re too busy trying to achieve success, you won’t have time to sit around thinking about other people. Setting many mini-goals along the way will make you feel even more confident and accomplished throughout the process.

Don’t fight fire with fire. You may feel like the best thing you can do when people are mean to you is to insult them right back, but you have to see that you’re better than that. Instead of being just as low-minded and thoughtless as the people who are being mean to your face or gossiping about you, show that you’re the bigger person by not calling them names or gossiping back. You don’t want to get involved in a never-ending argument or gossip circle and you’ll never be at peace if you do. Instead, take comfort in the fact that you’re taking the high road, and that you’re better than the people who don’t wish you well.

Don’t let other people see that they get you down. It’s not always possible to let what others say roll right off your back, even for the most confident of people. However, you can work on controlling your emotional reactions and not letting people see how much their negative comments really affect you. If people are being mean to you or taunting you, you should work on ignoring them, keeping your expression calm, and not getting frustrated and showing you care as much as you can. Though it’s not always easy to control your emotions, if you’re feeling really upset, you can at least try to excuse yourself and find a place to calm down in private. If people see that nothing they say will get a rise out of you, they’re much likely to back down than they would if they saw that you got easily upset any time they said a bad word about you. You can privately talk to a friend about how upset you are or write about it in a journal, but try to stay as calm and indifferent in public as you can.

Get more comfortable with speaking your mind. As you gain confidence, you should be comfortable with saying what’s on your mind and backing up your beliefs. You don’t need to be outspoken just for the sake of it, but if you have an opinion, whether you’re in class or in a social situation, you should be comfortable sharing it without trying to pander to what you think others want to hear. As long as you speak clearly and have evidence to back up your ideas, you’ll get even closer to not caring what people think. Plus, if you have a reputation for being assertive and saying what’s on your mind, then people will be less likely to gossip or talk about you because they’ll see that you’re comfortable with who you are. If other people have differing ideas, then you should listen to them respectfully and see if you have anything to learn from them. But you shouldn’t immediately change your mind or backtrack just to please other people.

Learn to love doing things on your own. If you get more comfortable doing things on your own and even learn to love your alone time, then you’ll be much less likely to worry about what people think. If you’re comfortable being by yourself and pursuing your own interests, whether you’re reading, watching a movie, or just going for a walk, then you’ll be less likely to worry about what the crowds have to say. Though you don’t have to be alone all the time, being comfortable on your own instead of always looking for people to hang out with will make you more confident in who you are and less likely to let people get you down. Find hobbies that you like doing on your own, whether it’s yoga, writing poetry, watching classic movies, or running.

Stop apologizing when you’ve done nothing wrong. One thing that people who care too much about what others think tend to do is to apologize all the time even when they really haven’t done something wrong. You may find yourself apologizing just because it’s better to get on a person’s good side than to have him or her say bad things about you, but if you truly don’t feel like you’ve done anything wrong in your heart, then you should avoid giving in and saying you’re sorry just so you don’t have to worry about what people think. When a negative image or thought about yourself pops up, pretend you're "the boss" of the image, and tell it to back off. Gain the confidence you need to assert yourself and to know when there’s no need for you to apologize for your behavior. This is a sign of strength and if you make a habit of sticking to your guns, then people will respect you more for it. If someone is blaming you for something that was clearly not your fault, you can say something like, “I’m sorry that you feel…” but don’t give in and apologize just because you think that’ll make things easier.