Hemant: How can I increase my daughters concentration in her studies? She is very active but does not concentrate in her studies.
Madhumati Singh It looks like she is energetic. Please help her divide her time with active outdoor sport and studies. Find out what part of the day is she most receptive with studies and gently help her get motivated with studies output?
Shanthi A: I am a mother of a seven-year-old boy. He is studying in 2nd std. My son is very naughty, he speaks like an adult, he doesn’t obey elders, and he always wants to play and doesn’t want to study.
There is not even a single minute when he is keeping silent. He is always gets beaten by others and always gets scolded. I am really worried about him and about his studies. Please give me some solutions how to bring him in control?
Madhumati Singh It seems that your son has learnt to take on negative reinforcement, that is attention seeking of others by doing something negative, for which he is scolded. And this becomes a pattern for both the child and parents.
It is important for you to break this cycle of negative reinforcement. You need to appreciate some aspect of what he does. Please do not take it as a difficult task right now but keep trying to encourage what else he does right, no matter how little.
You will have to restrain yourself from punishing him since it gets ineffective after a time and the child becomes resistant to it. Try involving yourself with him in his studies, maybe he needs your involvement to get involved.
Kobita: I have two children, a daughter aged 20 years and son aged 15 years. While my daughter has always been a fairly intelligent child and has worked hard on her own since she was in class 3, my son is just the opposite.
He is in class IX now and shows no interest in his studies. I have to constantly tell him to pick up his books to study and if I am not watching him, I know he is not studying.
The problem according to me is that he is not true to himself. By merely telling me that he is studying, he thinks he has done son. I am so worried about him as he will be facing the board exam next year. I am a working parent and my husband is abroad. He studies in a co-ed public school.
He was shifted to this school only this year as he was not doing well under the ICSE syllabus and changed him to a state syllabus school. I am really worried about him and want to know how can I handle him and make him understand the need for him to buck up else he becomes a failure.
Madhumati Singh I think that your son avoids studies. We generally avoid something that is unpleasant. So please find out what or which subject he is uncomfortable about. How is he coping with homework and term exams?
He may need a tutor, but introduce that only when he feels involved with his studies. You need to give him more time, focused time where you can talk to him and not merely instruct and direct. Sometimes growing up issues come in the way of studies of teens including friends and sexual issues.
PAGE_BREAK
Neeta: My son is one and 16 years old. My husband and I both working and my in-laws so take care of him. He is the first child in family so he gets whatever he wants. The thing I worry most about is his stubbornness. He has to get what ever he wants or else he will cry and bang his head. Please suggest how to get rid of it?
Madhumati Singh Banging head if done frequently is not a very normal way to exhibit frustration. I need more information to rule out any autistic predisposition.
How is his attention span and eye contact? Does he have any repetitive movements like rocking, moving from side to side, avoids physical and social contact? If you find few of the above traits please take your child for further intervention from a child psychiatrist/psychologist.
Rashmi: I have a daughter who is going to be six in November this year. I am a working mother. My daughter is very short tempered, gets irritated over small things, she is stubborn and shouts for everything and even shouts at me.
She does not eat her food, she does not take a drop of milk and is very fragile. She does not let me apply oil on her hair or body, nor cream or moisturise. I am really worried about her behaviour and health.
Madhumati Singh Your daughter is showing anger in different ways. She may be angry for need of your time and attention. Please be patient and spend some more time with her. Children learn from us parents and home environment.
Please look into whom is she copying in terms of tantrums, shouting and rude behaviour. If she doesn't take milk, ask her in what form can she take milk (curd, kheer, home made ice-cream and paneer) and any of these substitute will do.
Give her some time and reintroduce milk later the way she likes it (mild coffee, to make cold coffee, milk shake, chocolate shake etc). Let her be if she doesn’t want to oil her hair, talk to her, and do not impose because then her aggression will only increase.
Nandini: My son is 10-years-old and he does not speak up and is an introvert.
Madhumati Singh Please furnish me with more information- does he speak with friends? Has a good social circle? How little does he speak? If it's just shy behaviour, then maybe it's genetic, sometimes children take longer to come out of the cocoon.
Also do have verbal stimulation at home - have talks about happenings around debatable topic and some enquiry? Take each others' opinion on little things like what to cook for meal? shopping?
PAGE_BREAK
Geetha Vadala: I am a mother of two children. My biggest problem is that my children have become very stubborn, very naughty, they have no respect for elders and are weak in studies. The reason for their behaviour is because my in-laws pamper them. They have been so spoilt that they won’t listen to anybody now.
My biggest concern is instead of concentrating on studies, games they are most concerned about family matters. I can’t talk to my in-laws about it as they will not cooperate with me to counsel with my children.
Please give some good counseling tips on studies, behaviour character and games so that I can explain to my children about the importance of studies, playing games.
Madhumati Singh The biggest problem in a family is when the control centre becomes dilute and unclear and this is happening in your family. What I suggest is that in front of children, when your in- laws says something to you, please do not respond, only listen and go along and not get into a dialogue with in laws.
You as parents need to make your children understand what you expect out of them. Keep the list very short just having 1-2 points, as that is most important for you.
Ask them how they want to be assisted to achieve these two points. Help them, and keep giving them encouragement where they deserve it, no matter how small (for example noticing that the child’s handwriting is better than before).
Open communication is the best low cost maintenance programme, so please keep that two-way- listen more than instruct. Children learn 'bad' behaviours from us guardians so please check that first ad things wll settle down soon.
Anita Almeida: My daughter who about two years and five months is very stubborn and gets wild if she doesn’t\'t get anything.
Madhumati Singh Temper tantrums are frequent in toddlers. Just gently restraint her physically in a calm and reassuring way and let her wear out of the tantrum phase. I know it’s a difficult and trying aspect for parents, but she will outgrow it soon.
Be patient and consistent, make up your mind what are the things you want to say "no " to, keep it reasonable and not unrealistic.
A two-year-old will not understand that her mother is buying grocery for "herself" then why can’t she get a toffee for "herself". Sometimes we parents say a lot of "no" to bring about these tantrums in children.
PAGE_BREAK
Satish Kumar: I am worried that my children ages 10 and seven are showing absolute disrespect to elders. They think they know everything. Not willing to understand and most importantly their levels of concentration in areas of studies are very alarmingly poor.
Madhumati Singh Please remember children mirror us in the first primary years. So please first check our own attitude about work, relationships and behaviour. Then talk to children as to what their realistic expectations are and then work towards it.
Make a joint pact within the family that nobody will speak loudly, or disrespect each other, and once its understood as a family commitment, children will fall in line since they first want to be accepted and appreciated in their parents eyes.
Meenakshi: I think that I am unable to be a good parent. Everybody finds my son is very well brought up whereas I am constantly at loggerheads with him to get anything done from him. He is going to be 15 years by end of this month.
Madhumati Singh Parenting looks to be a stressful situation for you, and that means your son must be feeling growing up stressful too. It may all be building up and soon he may rebel and cease to 'listen to you'.
Please slow down your pace, let him take onus for what he does, be with him and constantly give him reassurance and help him where he asks for it.
Tell him that you are confident of his potential and that you trust him to conduct his life well and that you are there when he needs your. Let him chart out his daily programme so you may put in your suggestions for him too share with and that you both enjoy your times together.
Comments
0 comment