The view from the fourth floor terrace was interesting, on one side was a posh Delhi colony and on the other side you could see a slum cluster. On both sides of the economic divide, people in festive finery were congregating, decibels were rising and general laughter could be heard everywhere.
Crackers were going off sporadically on all sides: cheap slam-bombs in the slums and expensive parachute rockets in the posh colony. And of course, the music! While Himesh Reshammiya twanged on cracked speakers from the slums, the latest Ministry of Sound compilation was blasting from a nearby house. Lights twinkled everywhere…
The phone rang, it was a friend, "Hey, Happy Diwali in advance. I guess you’re not going home either. If you are not doing anything specific, will you spend Diwali with me? I am a bit, you know, I think, lonely," she finished softly.
I miss you so much…
And she is not alone. There are many of us who feel lonely during festivals.
With corporate environments getting more intense and almost all jobs becoming 24/7 – unless you are the government – spending time with family on festivals is becoming a thing of the past.
Diwali for many means a time steeped in traditions. Suddenly, when you find yourself living alone – and see others doing the ‘family’ thing – you sorely miss home. You miss your mother’s special coconut mithai on Lakshmi puja, or how your father supervised the way the lights are hung or how your brother insisted on the loudest ‘bombs’ in the market.
You miss dressing up and sitting together and praying. You miss how neighbours come visiting and you miss eating the many varieties of sweet meats that come home. You simply wish you could chuck everything and go back home. But then as you grow older you realise that wishes are really not horses.
Sometimes you have to work on festivals. Sometimes your family lives elsewhere and you don't get leave or they don't get leave to join you. Or maybe you don’t have the money to go back home. Then there are those who were in relationships the previous year and are now single. So, you miss the good times and wonder what went wrong.
You could even be with your family and sorely miss your bunch of college friends. Or perhaps you stay in a hostel and while all your nearby-town friends leave for home, you’re stuck alone in the dorm – remember Harry Potter and the Christmas holidays?
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Maybe you are an expatriate and are in a country that is celebrating an exotic festival and are feeling left out. The situation could be any, the result is the same: The more you see happy, celebrating people around you, the lonelier you feel.
As one discussed festival loneliness with friends and experts, one realised that almost everyone had an I-was-lonely-on-this-festival story to share. However, what stood out was not the documentation of loneliness, but how the people chose to deal with it. Missing your family and friends is normal when festivities are on; but you don’t have to mope around dejected.
When you’re lonely
"Thank God! The cricket matches are happening now; I would hate to be working on Diwali," said a friend who works for a sports channel.
"This is my second Diwali am not going home," rued another.
"At least we are not a call centre, imagine missing most festivals," added a third, trying to raise flagging spirits.
That’s when the sports-girl suggested, “How about getting together at my place? We celebrate together… the akela party?” Everyone instantly agreed.
Taking off from those three – and after consulting a few others – here are five, tried and tested ways of how not to feel lonely on this Diwali or any other festival:
One person makes a ritual too
So you helped mom clean the house and arrange the table and light the diyas. Who says you can’t do it by yourself? Just because you live in a one-room apartment or share a dorm with three others does not restrict you from doing what you’ve been doing for years. Clean your room, de-clutter, put in some flowers and light your candles and diyas. Do it remembering your family and knowing they love you.
Don’t blow a fuse, blow some money
Start by celebrating yourself and celebrating your life. Buy an outfit, upgrade your cell phone (there are good offers in the market), pimp up your car, buy all the music you have been wanting to, do up our wardrobe or splurge on the most expensive cologne or champagne. Do remember that not everyone has the money to spend; so if you have that capability, know it, use it, splurge it!
Let it go around, it will come around
The word used is ‘charity’, though one would prefer to use ‘sharing’. A little kindness goes a long way. You have always shooed urchins away, have you tried giving them toffees, and watching the crying faces break into brilliant smiles?
Festivals are times for sharing, so share what you have with those who don’t even have the basic minimum. Some could do with a full stomach on Diwali, others would appreciate if you could perhaps give them some clothes or even some socks/shoes to tide by the oncoming winters. There is much you can do for others, just look around and find a way to spread some smiles and feel the warmth spread in your heart.
Be the host with the most
One completely endorses the concept of the akela (lonely) party. Ten people cooped up in their respective homes makes a picture of loneliness. But 10 people gathered under one roof, with food, music and laughter makes a party. So what if no one has invited you to a Diwali do? You throw one, ask everyone to pool in (for those who don’t want to foot the bill!), some foot-thumping music, good food and you are guaranteed to have a thigh-slapping good time. Ensure you are with people who will share their warmth.
Risk something different
Chuck the usual and go in for something that’s completely not your routine. If you can manage the leave, go for that beach holiday. If you’ve resolutely avoided dance parties, make a resolution to go to one and crack a leg on the floor. Don’t have anyone to talk to? Go on a marathon blogging session and chat up random people from the world over. Log on to that social networking site and flirt your eyeballs out.
Do anything that takes your mind off missing those you cannot have around you. Till you don’t risk it, you really won’t know it. More than anything else, this Diwali, refuse to be scared about your loneliness: Acknowledge it, embrace it and then do something about it. May we never be lonely; and if we are, may we all be able to do something about it.
Here’s wishing you all heartfelt happiness this Diwali; from one lonely to the other ‘lonelies’!
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