Modern marriage survey: Is everybody really fine?

Year 1990. I still remember the first day my mother stepped out of the house to work; we were all on the same school bus. With growing kids and growing inflation, her ‘job’ was more of a budgetary necessity than a shot at a ‘career’. Ma had given up any plans of a career when she married and had a baby in the first year of the marriage.

Having tutored two kids at home – ages 8 and 13 – teaching came naturally to her and she joined the school we were studying in. However, there was another reason she took up teaching: It ensured she was back home early enough to complete her household chores. She was the consummate working mother of the late 90s.

Since Dad was an Army officer, Ma changed jobs as frequently as we changed schools: Each time Dad was posted to another city. It never occurred to either of my parents that she would stay back in a city without my father. Today they have been married for 30 years.

Circa 2008. The scenario for the working wife/ mother has not changed much. Perhaps not everyone becomes a teacher today, but most women still keep ‘Family First’ as their mantra and do whatever is needed to keep the work-family balance. And going by latest research, increasingly, it is NOT an easy balance to maintain…

In a survey conducted on 425 ‘Two Career Couples’ across five cities – Delhi, Mumbai, Bangalore, Pune and Hyderabad – TeamLease Services, India’s largest staffing company, found that two careers has bittersweet implications on marriages.

Of the couples surveyed, 34 per cent felt that chances of a difference of opinion and divorce are higher with both partners working. The reasons for disagreement? Odd or different work timings and either partner not wanting to give up his/her career for sake of the marriage…

Before you read the next page, tell us what you think:

1. Do you think it is possible to maintain a happy married life and a good career together?

2. If you had to leave your job to move cities with your partner, would you do it?

NEXT PAGE >>> They don’t want to give up their jobs…

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While earlier it was the norm that the woman/ wife would either quit her job or change her job to follow the husband – if there was a city/country change involved – the number of women who do so could fast be dwindling.

The TeamLease survey shows that 52 per cent of the couples are not willing to hamper their career for the sake of their spouses. And anyone will tell you that long-distance relationships/ marriages are not the easiest to maintain.

Does that mean we will either have fewer married people or fewer women in the work field? Perhaps not just yet… The answer could very well lie in office romances – or office marriages if you may – and this is one for the HR managers to consider.

Of the couples surveyed, 48 per cent felt that if spouses were working in the same organization, the quality of work-life balance will improve. Perhaps it is time for the corporate environment to ease up on their spouses-in-the-same-office rules, talent retention will become easier and attrition rates would surely drop. Better pays wouldn’t hurt either!

If different work timings and shifting jobs are threats to a marriage, parenting comes with it own set of problems. Despite organizations getting more considerate towards pregnant working women, the onus of child rearing still rests on the women. And the first casualty when a baby arrives is the woman’s career.

Longer maternity leaves and crèches in offices are still a far cry from solving the problem with almost 32 per cent of the couples polled agreeing that it is not possible for women to resume their careers with the same velocity/pace after a child break.

The good news though is that at least the men/husbands seem to be getting more sympathetic: Almost 77 per cent of the men polled say they are more actively involved in sharing responsibilities including child-rearing.

For a greater work-life balance, more thought and efforts are needed from all parties, be it the couples or the corporates who employ working couples. Is it all bleak for married couples though? While things are not exactly hunky-dory, of the 425 couples surveyed, 87 per cent find their work-life balance to be “just fine”.

And yet one wonders, is it a case of the silver lining in divorce-darkened clouds or just a case of everybody saying they are fine?

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