- This article is intended for partners of cisgender women.
- Ask your partner what she likes, both before and during sex, so that instead of guessing, you know exactly what turns her on.
- Engage in foreplay like making out, oral sex, or dirty talk to warm up her body before the main act.
- Switch things up by using sex toys or trying different positions, as long as you’re both comfortable with it.
Engage in foreplay before diving into the main act.
A little warm-up can take sex from blah to amazing. It’s no secret that a lot of women need foreplay to really enjoy sex. The right kind of foreplay depends on what she’s into! It could be anything from a heavy makeout session or a few minutes of oral sex to a sensual massage or doing mutual masturbation. Experiment with different methods to see what really gets her going. Foreplay doesn’t necessarily have to go on for ages. Even just a few minutes can be enough to get you both warmed up and ready to go. Foreplay helps stimulate the vagina to secrete a natural lubricant, which can make sex a lot more comfortable and pleasurable for both of you. Sometimes, though, it’s not enough. Ask her if she’d like to use some lube—you can make it part of the foreplay.
Take time to get to know her body.
Figuring out where her buttons are will make it easier to turn up the heat. You’ve probably heard that the clitoris is the main center of sexual pleasure for most women. But, almost any part of the body can be an erogenous zone. Have fun exploring your partner’s body with her and figuring out where (and how) she likes to be touched. You’ll find that some parts are more sensitive than others, and that she may like different kinds of touches in different places. For instance, she might like you to touch her breasts, kiss her neck, or rub her feet. Experiment with different types of touch in different areas. For example, she might like firm pressure in some areas and light strokes in others. Remember, keep asking her what she likes and doesn’t like. She can point you in the right direction!
Get her going with a little dirty talk.
The right naughty words can be a powerful turn-on. Some women enjoy a bit of spicy pillow talk. Ask your bae if she’d like you to talk dirty to her while you get busy in bed. If she says yes, there are a few things you can try: Talk about what you’re doing with her right now—or what you’d like to do. “I love kissing you so much.” “I can’t wait to touch you all over.” Praise her body and tell her how beautiful and sexy she is. “You’re the most beautiful woman in the world.” “You turn me on so much.” Describe a naughty fantasy, or talk about some memorable sex you’ve had with her in the past. “Remember that time we just couldn’t wait, and pulled over onto the side of the road to get handsy?”
Experiment with different positions and rhythms.
Mixing it up keeps it exciting and will help you discover what she likes. The good old missionary position has its place, but it doesn’t work for every woman, every time. Try out different positions with her, like cowgirl, doggy style, or spooning. If one position isn’t working for you, you can always switch it up. There’s no need to stick to one position for an entire session in the sheets. Say things like, “You want to take a turn being on top?” or “Try putting your legs up on my shoulders.” Vary your pace and rhythm, too—let her be your guide to what works in the moment. You can ask her things like, “Is it okay if I go a little faster and harder?” You can also try having sex in different places. Go at it on the couch, in the shower, or even on a desk or table.
Try a variety of sex acts.
Sex can mean many different things, so don’t be afraid to experiment. There are so many other kinds of sex beyond basic intercourse! You might find that your lady enjoys other things just as much, or more. A few different things you can try include: Oral sex. She might prefer being either the giver or the receiver. If she likes both, give her the best of both worlds by doing the 69. Touching each other or watching each other pleasure yourselves. This kind of sex can involve external touching (e.g., rubbing her clitoris or touching the outside of her vagina) or internal (e.g., inserting your fingers or a toy into her vagina or anus). Using dildos, vibrators, or other toys. Grinding or rubbing up against each other (sometimes called frottage or “dry humping”), with or without your clothes on.
Go for a quickie.
Sometimes, a fast round of sex can make things more exciting. If you’re too tired for a full-on session but you’d still like to satisfy your lady, surprise her by escalating things super fast. Quickies can last anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes, but the most important part is to speed through foreplay and dive right into the main act. A time limit (real or imagined) can make things more exciting. Try going for a quickie right before you have to leave for work or when friends are on their way over. See how fast you can both get dressed and go afterwards! Quickies are fun, but you don’t want to go for a quickie every time. Mix it up by engaging in longer sex sessions sometimes, too.
Bring a little fantasy into the bedroom.
Using your imaginations is a great way to heat things up. Try talking through a fantasy you both enjoy, or even acting it out. If you’re feeling really ambitious, you could even bring props or costumes into it. When it comes to fantasies, you’re only limited by your imagination. It’s an opportunity to try out taboo scenarios that you might not do in real life (for example, picking up a stranger at a bar or having sex in front of other people). Some women enjoy watching porn with their partner before or during sex, which can help stimulate your imaginations and make the fantasy feel more real.
Play with toys in bed, if she’s interested.
Sex toys add an element of fun and unique types of stimulation. If you and your partner are looking for a little extra help, sex toys are a great option. Talk to her about trying different toys to enhance her experience, such as dildos, vibrators, strap-ons, or anal plugs or beads. Sex toys are safe if you use them correctly, but good hygiene is important. Always wash your toys with soap and warm water before and after using them. If you plan to put a toy inside your partner’s body (or your own), putting a condom on it first can also reduce the risk of infections.
Cuddle with her when you’re done.
What happens after sex can be just as important as the sex itself. After you’re all done, don’t be in too much of a rush to hop in the shower and get dressed. A lot of women enjoy relaxing and snuggling after getting busy in the sack. If you have the time, invite her to curl up with you and chat or snooze for a few minutes before you go back to business as usual. Alternatively, the two of you can get into the shower together! Getting cleaned off together is a fun and intimate way to relax after sex—and it could even lead to more sex.
Have phone or video sex if you can’t meet in person.
You can still have fun together even if you’re not in the same room. Whether you’re social distancing or trying to make a long-distance relationship work, you can still get intimate with your SO. Use phone sex to tell her about all the ways you’d get hot and heavy with her if you were together. If you can’t see each other, use your words and tone of voice to set the mood. For example, you might describe what you’re wearing, what you’re doing, and how you’d be touching her if she were there. Feel free to sigh, moan, or breathe heavily. For video calls, treat it like an in-person date: clean up the space she’ll be seeing on the screen, create some soft mood lighting, and dress (or undress!) to impress. If you’re doing video chat, stick to an encrypted app, like Signal or FaceTime, so nobody else can look or listen in on the action without your knowledge.
Be romantic to set the mood during daily life.
Romance helps build an emotional connection with your partner. You could be the sexiest person in the world, but without expressing your love and being romantic, your partner still might not feel satisfied. Be romantic by planning cute dates, buying your partner gifts, and telling her how much you love and appreciate her every day. Want an easy way to be romantic? Break your usual routine and do something spontaneous, like booking a weekend trip away or playing hooky and heading to the beach.
Talk to her about what she likes.
Communication is the key to a good sex life. Every woman is an individual with her own preferences, so don’t try to guess what your special gal likes in bed. Ask her what she’s into, whether it’s specific positions, a certain way of being touched, or a particularly spicy fantasy she enjoys. For instance, say something like, “What’s your favorite position?” or “Would you like me to go down on you?” You can also ask her questions while you’re in the act. For example, say things like, “Does that feel good?” or “Should I slow down?” Or, ask her to show you what she likes (for example, by having her guide your hand while you touch her). Remember, what she’s in the mood for might change from one time to the next. Even if you’ve had great sex before, don’t assume she’ll want to do the same things she did last time!
Look (and smell) your best.
Good hygiene is an important part of great sex. Before diving into the main act, take a quick shower or freshen up as best you can. The better you look and smell, the better you’ll feel, which will make you more confident in bed (and a better lover). Don’t have time to take a full shower? Use a washcloth to quickly wipe down your privates and pits. Your partner will thank you! If you like wearing cologne or perfume, spritz yourself briefly so you smell amazing.
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