Let yourself grieve.
If you want to cry or scream, do it. Bottling up your emotions can prolong the healing process when you’re coming to terms with the end of a relationship. Although you may want to put on a strong front in public, releasing your feelings of grief in private or with people you trust can help you move towards acceptance. Although extreme grief often feels like it will last forever, it won’t. Know that in time your feelings will be more manageable. Reader Poll: We asked 286 wikiHow readers who’ve been through a breakup, and 76% of them agreed the best way to move on is by giving yourself time to grieve. [Take Poll]
Write down your thoughts about your relationship.
Journaling helps you understand your feelings. Before the breakup happens, you’ll want to make sure you’ve thought things through completely. By writing down your thoughts, you can prepare yourself for the inevitable breakup conversation. Start by asking yourself a straightforward question, like “Why isn’t this relationship working anymore?” Read out loud what you write in your journal, too. In many break-up cases, frustration and anger come from not being seen, heard, valued, and respected. You'll feel a lot better if you take time to express and listen to yourself. At the end of a relationship, you might be tempted to idealize your partner. It might feel petty, but write down the qualities about them that you don’t like—remember that this journal is just for you. Breakups are a good time to reflect on what you’ve learned. What has this relationship taught you about yourself, and what lessons can you take away from it? Keep journaling after the break-up, too—it's a good way to help process your healing.
Talk about your feelings with someone you trust.
You aren’t going through this alone. Your friends and family are there to support you, and as the breakup approaches, try reaching out to them to talk through your feelings. Remind yourself that you have other meaningful relationships in your life, not just the one with your partner. These relationships will help you through this tough moment in your life. Be sure that you’re talking to people who you can trust to keep information confidential. You don’t want your partner hearing about your feelings from someone other than you. If you feel comfortable doing so, talking to total strangers can also be a good idea. If you meet someone you click with, try opening up to them—they might have some helpful advice for you.
Keep busy with other activities.
Healthy distractions show you what else life has to offer. Before your breakup, fill your time with friends and family by taking trips, volunteering, or trying out a new hobby. These activities won’t just keep you from dwelling too long on the relationship, but will also remind you that an incredibly rewarding life is waiting for you when you’re single. If you’re struggling to think about how you’d like to fill your time, try asking your friends what they like doing. If they mention something that sounds interesting to you, ask if you can tag along next time.
Get into some self-care habits.
Prioritizing your health can keep you emotionally strong. Though we’ve all seen people in movies spending all day hiding under the covers with a tub of ice cream during a breakup, this isn’t the healthiest way to deal with the situation. Instead, focus on developing habits of eating well, sleeping enough, and staying active before the breakup, so that you can continue these habits afterward. Be sure to spend some time every day doing something just for you, whether that means taking a long bath, taking a walk, or curling up with a book. Meditation, yoga, and mindfulness exercises are also great ways to practice self-care and keep yourself mentally strong.
Prepare for life after the breakup.
Make new routines to replace old ones. When you’re in a relationship, you likely end up sharing several different kinds of routines with your partner. After the breakup, not having these routines can make you feel less grounded. Try seeing if there are other people that can fill the shoes of your partner, so that you can make the adjustment to being single more easily. For example, if you and your partner normally talk to each other at night to wind down after a day at work, see if there’s a friend or family member who’d be willing to do the same with you. Or, if you and your partner are fitness buddies, find a new workout partner at work or at your gym. Routines help you feel safe, grounded, and organized. Plus, they help you feel like there's some level of order in your life, which is really valuable.
Have the conversation soon.
A quick breakup is the fastest way to heal. If you’ve made up your mind that this relationship is falling apart, have a conversation with your partner as soon as you can. By prolonging the inevitable end to the relationship, moving on becomes more difficult. Be confident when you have the conversation, and try not to let yourself be convinced into keeping something going when it isn’t working. If you’re worried that your partner is going to make a scene, try breaking up with them in a public location. If you live separately from your partner, and you can trust them to keep their emotions under control, it’s a good idea to break up with them at their house. That way, you can leave once you’ve said everything you needed to.
Do a closure ritual.
A symbolic gesture can give you a clean break. After a breakup, you might still feel too emotionally attached to your partner. A closure ritual is an action that you can take in order to symbolize the end of your relationship with your previous partner and help you move on. For example, you can try doing something like: Writing a letter to your ex and not sending it Removing all the photos you have of your ex in your home and on social media Burning reminders of your ex in a ceremonial way
Go no contact for 30 days.
No contact is the fastest way to move on. When you’re in a relationship with someone, their presence in your life provides chemicals to your brain that are similar to addictive drugs. To beat these symptoms of withdrawal, a no-contact policy, which means no face-to-face contact or messaging over text and social media, is the best solution. If you’re struggling to stay no contact, remind yourself that this is only temporary. After a month, if both you and your partner feel comfortable with it, you can revisit your relationship as casual friends. Use this time to refocus on yourself and what's next.
Try casually dating if you feel comfortable with it.
Meeting new people can bring back excitement to your life. Although jumping into a rebound relationship isn’t the best way to deal with a breakup, casually seeing new people can give you something to look forward to. Be honest about what you’re looking for and embrace the freedom you have as a newly single person. Letting someone know up front that you just got out of a relationship and want to take things slow is a good idea. This can prevent feelings from getting hurt. When meeting someone new, you can say something like: “I’m really excited to meet you. I want to let you know that I just got out of a relationship, and I’m looking to keep things slow or casual.”
Embrace your new possibilities.
Being single comes with a lot of benefits. When you’re single, you can focus on what it is that you want out of life, without compromise. Take being single as an opportunity to do all of the things that you may have missed out on while you were in a relationship—soon, you’ll be more grateful for the breakup than ever before. Try taking yourself out on dates—whether it’s to a movie that you’re excited about or a restaurant that you always wanted to try, enjoy the freedom of being able to do whatever it is you’d like. Step outside your comfort zone by picking up a new hobby. If you’ve always wanted to try a cooking or art class, now is your chance.
Talk to a therapist to process your emotions.
A professional can give you the space you need to heal. Finding a therapist can help you navigate the fallout from the end of a relationship, since they have plenty of wisdom and experience on this matter. By talking about your feelings in a safe space, you may be able to learn a lot about yourself, and use this knowledge to build even better future relationships.
Comments
0 comment