Making Yourself Presentable
Get yourself clean. Take a hot shower, wash your hair and brush your teeth. You’re going to want to make sure that you’re clean, fresh and ready to put your best foot forward from the skin outward. It can be awkward going on a date with someone who smells bad or has food stuck in their teeth, so start by taking care of your basic hygiene needs. Washing up isn’t just about making yourself presentable; the cleaner you are, the more put together you’ll feel. Put on deodorant and give your mouth a quick rinse with some antiseptic mouthwash. You'll be thankful you did once you and your date get up close and personal.
Pick out a sharp outfit. Wear clothing that is eye-catching and complements your figure. Choose an outfit that is appropriate for the venue where you’re meeting for your date. If you’re going to the opera, for instance, break out the fitted suit or evening dress, or wear neatly pressed khakis. A simple button-down shirt or a tasteful skirt and blouse will look great if you’re going somewhere more casual. Your clothing choices should be stylish yet comfortable so that you can look and feel your best all evening long. There’s no need to dress to the nines for a light lunch or a coffee meetup. Dress for the specific occasion so that you can show that you’re ready for any situation. Wear some color. Research suggests that clothing yourself in bright colors can give you the appearance of boldness and vibrancy.
Style and groom. After you’ve cleaned yourself up and selected the perfect outfit, take a last look to ensure that the rest of your appearance is in order. Style your hair to make it neat and attractive. Trim your fingernails if they’re too long, or paint them to be more eye-catching. And, of course, remember to put on deodorant before you head out the door. Assume that every detail of your appearance will be noticed. That way, you won’t miss anything when getting ready. Feel free to spritz on a subtle scent before your date, but go easy. Too much cologne or perfume can be overpowering.
Put on a smile. Be prepared to do a lot of smiling. If you’re nervous or feeling uncomfortable, don’t let it show. Instead, keep smiling and act natural. Not only will smiling make you more attractive to your date, it can improve your own mood, as well. Smiling displays positivity and trustworthiness, and tells people that you’re fun to be around. If you’re nervous before or during the date, smiling can help keep you at ease.
Getting Off to a Good Start
Do something interesting. For your first date, plan an activity in which you can both get involved, rather than just sitting and staring at each other while trying to make conversation. Dinner and/or a movie is a time-honored option, but there are dozens of others: go for a long walk outside, try a new bar or restaurant, get tickets to a sporting event or find a quiet place to sit and watch the sun set. It’s a lot of pressure to try to sit and talk for hours with someone you just met. Attending events or participating in fun activities together will help you both loosen up, and you can reserve some time afterward to have some one-on-one interaction. The date will also be more memorable if you have something out of the ordinary planned. EXPERT TIP Sarah Schewitz, PsyD Sarah Schewitz, PsyD Licensed Psychologist Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships. Sarah Schewitz, PsyD Sarah Schewitz, PsyD Licensed Psychologist Try not to come across as too aggressive. Love and relationship psychologist Dr. Sarah Schewitz says: "Sometimes people can be very forward when they're meeting someone, and it can be off-putting. If you approach a person like you're an aggressive hunter, their fear response might kick in, and they're going to want to run."
Arrive on time. Make sure you’re there when you say you’re going to be. Call your date to confirm whether you’re to meet them at a previously agreed upon location or swinging by to pick them up. Give yourself plenty of time to take care of last minute tasks before you have to leave. Punctuality is an extremely important quality, as it shows that you’re reliable and can be taken at your word. Showing up late is a surefire way to ruin a good first impression. Be a little early, if you can. Not only will it demonstrate that you’re taking the date seriously, it can also give you a chance to get comfortable with the setting and mentally prepare for your introduction.
Be polite. In addition to simply acting friendly, show your date that you’re a gentleman (or a lady) by being considerate. Guys should hold open doors, pull out chairs and offer to pick up the check, if it pleases the girl. Both people should practice good manners when eating and speaking to keep from making the other uncomfortable. Common courtesy is a must, but it may be off-putting to some people to have things done for them. See how your date reacts to little gestures before forcing more of this kind of behavior on them.
Avoid the usual questions. Ask your date questions about themselves to find out more about them, but don’t confine your topics to just work, hobbies and personal beliefs. Inquire about their family, pets, favorite music and places they like to vacation. Be enthusiastic about getting to know them. You might pose questions sure to capture their imagination, like "what's the most interesting thing about you?" or "if you only had one day to live, what would you do?" Treat your date like a date, not a job interview. You don’t want your date to feel like they’re being interrogated. Be careful about asking them point-blank questions about their preferences or hangups. Assume that your date doesn’t want to talk about work stresses or past relationships; find something unique to talk about.
Hitting it Off
Show an interest in your date. Give your undivided attention to your date so that they know you’ve taken a genuine interest in them and what they have to say. Maintain eye contact when talking, and nod or make small verbal confirmations like “mmhm” and “I agree” to signal that you’re really listening. When people feel that they are interesting to others, they become more confident, and more comfortable as a result. Don’t dominate the conversation or constantly turn it around to be about yourself. Let them talk while listening intently, then share your thoughts when the discussion comes around to you. Get a feel for your date’s mood during the course of the night. Be mindful of considerations like “is he/she comfortable?” “Am I talking too much?” etc.
Focus on having a good time. Remember to relax and think of the date as a treat rather than an obligation. First dates can sometimes be nerve-wracking, but stay positive and try to have fun. Keep your date (and yourself) laughing and don't take the occasion too seriously. Get absorbed in your conversation and shut off the part of your brain that's constantly analyzing whether the date is a success. Whatever your reasons are for dating, the most important thing is for you and your date to enjoy each other’s company. Too often, people go on dates with motives other than simply getting to know someone, and it can make things feel strained. Keep your expectations in check and be glad to spend time with your date. If you feel like your date isn't having a good time, switch up your activities. If you both feel awkward talking over drinks at a fancy bar, for instance, pay the check and go for a long walk outside, or find something else to do to take the pressure off. You may just need a change of environment.
Look for things you have in common. As you’re talking to your date, pick up on similarities between the two of you. Perhaps you're both dog lovers and can bond over pictures of your pets, or you might discover that you're both die hard supporters of the same sports team. Highlighting what you have in common is the best way to establish a deeper connection. It can also take some of the pressure off conversation starting out, as you’ll find that you have much more to talk about. Learn to appreciate your differences, too. If your date doesn’t happen to share your viewpoint on something, don’t automatically count in as a strike against them. Think about how their opinions speak to their character.
Ask for a second date. If things have gone well, ask your date if they would be willing to see you again at the end of the night. Be assertive and make it known that you’ve had a good time with them. Leave your phone number with your date and encourage them to call or text you, or ask for their number if they seem open to giving it to you. If you’ve made a good first impression, you could be on your way to forming a strong, lasting relationship. Try to get a sense of how much your date has enjoyed themselves before asking for their phone number to avoid coming off as pushy. Call or text the other person within a couple of days after the date to let them know that you had a good time with them.
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