How to Make a Move on a Girl

Making a Move on a Date

Make a move during a movie. Whether you're in a theater or at home on a couch, a movie can be a great moment to instigate physical contact. Take her hand lightly. If she likes you, she'll hold your hand back, or give your hand a squeeze. If she doesn't, she'll move her hand away. If she holds your hand or moves closer to you, you can put an arm around her and see how she reacts to that. Ask if it's okay if you can't tell what she wants.

Make a move when you say goodbye. Saying goodbye is a great moment to make a move, because there is a quick exit strategy for both of you. This is probably the best move to make on a first date. Make sure it's clear that you're leaving, so she doesn't feel pressured. If you're driving, drop her off and walk her to her door. Make it clear you don't expect to be invited in. Go for a hug and a kiss on the cheek first. If she moves away, squeezes you quickly and lets go, or seems otherwise uninterested, thank her for the nice evening and leave. If she holds on, moves closer, or offers you her lips, kiss her.

Make a move on a walk. If you're on a date and you're taking a walk together, or going from one place to another, you can initiate some low-stakes public intimacy. Try holding hands, putting an arm around her shoulders or waist, or just touching her arm. She'll probably move away if she's uncomfortable, but ask to make sure.

Making a Move at a Party or a Dance

Talk to her. If volume allows, strike up conversation. If it's absolutely too loud to talk, trying can at least be humorous. If you're getting along, ask her if she wants to step outside or find a quieter spot. What you talk about isn't too important. Make sure you ask lots of questions, so that she gets talking. If you're talking most of the time, she'll probably think you like yourself more than you like her.

Ask her to dance. If you like dancing, or don't mind dancing, you can ask while the music is fast. Dance casually, separately at first. You can offer to twirl her or otherwise dance while touching in a friendly way after a song. When the music gets slow, hold your arms out or ask if she'd like to dance. If you can't dance, or have been talking and feel ready, ask her to join you for a slow song. You can hold her close during a slow song, as long as she seems comfortable. Don't squeeze her or force her against you, however. Ask if she's good when you're in position. If the dance is going well, you can try moving your face close to hers and wait for her reaction. Don't grab her on a whim. Even if she's into you, she might not be into blatant public groping. Ask first. Don't just start dancing against someone you don't know.

Ask her if she'd like a drink or a snack. Parties can be difficult to navigate. Skillfully obtaining something for her that she wants will make you look competent and thoughtful. Unless you have actually figured out what she wants, make sure you ask first. Handing someone a drink they don't want can make them feel pressured or misunderstood.

Play it cool. You don't need to make a physical move immediately. Make conversation and leave a good impression. Get her number or give her yours. If you're nervous, chat with your friends or remind yourself you are not obligated to score. Don't drink to combat nerves, or you'll just get nervously drunk.

Making a Move on a Friend

Look for signs of romantic interest. While there's no definite way of knowing how she feels about you without explicitly asking, you can get a better idea of how she feels by paying attention to how she behaves around you. Notice how she dresses on a regular basis compared to how she dresses when the two of you spend time alone. If she dresses up when she is with you, then she might be attracted to you. Pay attention to whether she leans in to you when she is speaking and whether she touches your arm or leg while she is talking to you. These are possible signs that she is flirting. If she always chooses to sit on the opposite side of the couch or pulls away from you when you try to hug her or dance with her, then she's probably not interested. Notice how she looks at you. Does she smile at you? Do you catch her looking at you when you're in a group? Does she laugh at your jokes when other people don't? She may be laughing because she likes you and your goofy moods cheer her up. Check to see that she wants to be alone with you. If she wants you to make a move on her, then she will suggest doing activities that allow the two of you to be alone. If she only wants to spend time with you when others are around, then she might prefer your friendship as it is.

When in doubt, ask. With a friend, you really don't want to mess up by coming on too strongly. As your friend, she cares about you, and she might be scared of hurting your feelings. If you can't tell whether or not she likes you from checking the signs, you should ask before you make a move. Asking can be just as fun and sexy as going for it. Enjoy the awkwardness. Ask in person, or write a note. You can say any of the following: "I think about you a lot. I like you. I've been trying to figure out if you like me back, or if you're just a really great friend. It's cool either way, but—if you like me, let's go out sometime." Add some compliments. Go for romantic rather than sexual, as you don't want to make her uncomfortable if she just wants to be friends. Compliment her style or say she has beautiful eyes, a great sense of humor, and a special way about her you just can't put into words. Be prepared for a yes! Have a date plan. Ask her somewhere beautiful, where you can be alone without the rest of your friends showing up or tagging along.

Don't worry about the "friend zone." The "Friend Zone" is an idea that was made up by guys to scare other guys. It has nothing to do with how girls actually feel. You don't have to rush it: once you know you like a girl, you can make either make a move or tell her how you feel.

Make a move that feels natural. Once you have established that your friend is attracted to you, your move might happen naturally. If you feel the need to plan, though, try extending one of your normal friendly interactions. Sometimes friends who are mutually attracted get into weird physical habits, like always hugging more than necessary, or giving each other massages, or wrestling. If you're doing something like that, try stopping the action and making eye contact. If you always hug, make your move by holding on. If she freezes or moves away, let her go. If she gets closer or holds on to you tighter, you can try for a kiss. Check in after. If you make a physical move, make sure she is enthusiastically consenting.

Establishing Enthusiastic Consent

Establish that she is capable of consent. Consent means that she can legally agree to sexual activity. Sexual activity includes anal, vaginal, and oral sex, as well as touching, watching porn, kissing, or showing parts of the body. She can only give consent if she is sober, awake, and mentally able. Someone who is drunk, high, passed out, or mentally incapacitated cannot give consent. Consent must be freely given. Someone who is being pressured cannot give consent. If she is scared of you, or someone else is pressuring her, or if you are older, or if you have any power over her, she cannot give consent. If you are more than two years older or younger than her, it may be illegal for you to make a move on her, or for her to make a move on you. Check the laws of age of consent in your state before you make a move on someone who isn't your age.

Establish enthusiasm. Once she has given verbal consent (from "yes!" to "absolutely! yes! totally! that's what I want!"), check for physical signs and listen to her tone of voice. She should initiate sexual activity, respond to your touch, and seem relaxed and excited. If she does not respond, she might not actually be into it. If she turns away or moves away from you in any way, she might be telling you "no." Stop immediately if she gives any signs of withdrawing consent. If she seems hesitant, but says she is ready, try going slowly. Make a game of it. Take turns initiating touch, or have her tell you what to do.

Ask for each step. Before you kiss, touch, or otherwise make a move on someone, ask if they would like you to do it. This can be awkward, but it can also be fun, and it can save you both from a really bad experience. Once you know she likes you, you can ask in a sexy way. For instance, say "May I kiss you?" "Can I hold you?" "I'd like to touch you there. Would you like that?" Remember, consent can be withdrawn any time. If she said "yes" to one thing, it doesn't mean "yes every time" or "yes to everything else." Keep checking in.

Check in after you've made your move. Once you have done something new, ask how it feels. Say "does that feel good?" or "do you like that" or "should I keep going?" Even when you're doing something you've done before, it's good to check in. Something that feels good one day might not feel good the next.

Back off if she says "no" or doesn't seem excited. Take no for an answer. If she says no, back off. If she says something like "not now" or "maybe later," that also means no. Back off if she doesn't say yes. Once you've made your move, and she doesn't encourage you, back off. She'll tell you if she changes her mind.