In this article, we will walk you through the common causes of Postcoital Dysphoria & share some coping strategies if it happens to you or your partner.
Have you ever found yourself suddenly feeling sad or weepy after sex? You’re not alone. Many people experience postcoital dysphoria, a condition where negative emotions like tearfulness, anxiety, or irritability flare up following otherwise enjoyable intimacy. While it can feel jarring or embarrassing in the moment, there are reasonable explanations for these feelings.
What Is Postcoital Dysphoria?
Postcoital dysphoria is the experience of feeling sad, anxious, irritable or moody after sex. It can involve:
- Crying or feeling like crying for no clear reason
- Intense melancholy, sadness or despair
- Agitation or anxiety
- Anger or frustration
- Wanting to be alone
- Feeling rejected or distant from your partner
These emotional responses typically start within minutes to hours after sex and can last from a few minutes to a few hours or occasionally days. Postcoital dysphoria is sometimes referred to as post-sex blues, PCD, or postcoital psychological syndrome (PPS). While not an officially recognised condition, many people have reported experiencing periods of inexplicable sadness or crying after sex.
The Science Behind Crying After Sex
When it comes to why you sometimes cry after sex, the science isn’t entirely clear. But there are some leading theories that may explain this phenomenon known as postcoital dysphoria (PCD).
Neurochemicals: During sex, your brain releases a whole cocktail of neurochemicals and hormones like dopamine, oxytocin, endorphins, and serotonin. These chemicals are responsible for the pleasurable sensations and intimate feelings associated with sex. After orgasm, there’s a sudden drop-off in these chemicals, especially dopamine. This “neurochemical hangover” can trigger mood changes, sadness, irritability, or even tears.
Hormone Changes: In women, shifts in estrogen and progesterone levels during menstrual cycle can amplify mood swings and emotions. The hormonal rollercoaster may lower inhibition and make crying spells more likely.
Emotional Release: For some people, sex allows them to let their guard down emotionally. Bottled-up feelings surface, tears flow, and it provides a cathartic release. This may be especially true for those dealing with depression, anxiety, past trauma, or relationship problems. The intimacy of sex can unlock suppressed emotions.
Common Causes and Triggers of Crying After Sex
There are many possible reasons why you might find yourself moved to tears after intimacy. Most relate to various biological, psychological, or situational factors. Some common causes include:
Biology
• Hormonal shifts: After orgasm, levels of prolactin and oxytocin are elevated, which can trigger emotional responses.
• Physical or emotional stress: Stress and fatigue can lower your threshold for an emotional release. Sex may allow you to finally relax and let go.
• Menstruation: Some women experience mood changes leading up to their period. The heightened intimacy could contribute to tears.
Psychology
• Emotional release: Sex can unlock suppressed emotions. Tears may reflect a meaningful cathartic release or feelings of being emotionally overwhelmed.
• Attachment: Crying may relate to feelings of intense intimacy or affection toward your partner. It could reflect emotional openness.
• Self-consciousness: Anxiety about performance, body image, or feeling emotionally vulnerable during intimacy can precede crying.
• Past trauma: Sexual situations may inadvertently trigger memories from past abuse, assault or difficulty with sexuality for some.
Situational
• Conflicted emotions: An affair or “forbidden” encounter may evoke a complex emotional response afterwards.
• Relief: Tears might simply reflect feelings of tension relief or gratitude for a meaningful connection after a dry spell.
• Disappointment: Occasionally, if the encounter was not as emotionally or physically satisfying as hoped for, it could lead to tears.
Keep in mind that crying after sex does not necessarily indicate something is “wrong”. But if it concerns you, discussing your emotions with your partner or a therapist may help provide some insight.
Managing Postcoital Dysphoria: Tips and Strategies
While PCD can feel isolating or confusing, various healthy coping strategies are available. With time, support and self-care, you can achieve greater ease and comfort after intimacy.
- If you have a regular sexual partner, gently share that you sometimes experience difficult emotions after sex so they understand it’s not about them. Reassure your partner that the sex itself is enjoyable.
- Ask them to hold you, talk soothingly, bring you water, or otherwise meet your needs following intimacy.
- Develop signals so your partner knows when you need affection or space to process emotions privately. Open communication reduces misunderstandings.
- Notice your breathing, physical sensations, sounds or smells to bring you into the present moment.
- Splash cool water on your face, stretch, or go for a brief walk to discharge energy.
- Press feet into the floor or hug a pillow to activate touch sensations.
- Keep a journal about sexual experiences, tracking what preceded crying episodes. Look for patterns around specific activities, partners, settings or other factors.
- Understanding triggers better equips you to anticipate and mitigate difficult emotions.
So, there you have it. Postcoital dysphoria is a real thing that some people experience after sex. It’s not unusual or something to be ashamed of. The science isn’t fully clear yet on what causes it, but hormones and emotions seem to play a role. If it happens to you or your partner once in a while, try not to freak out. Cuddle up, take some deep breaths, and know that it will pass. However, if it’s an ongoing issue that really bothers you or gets in the way of intimacy, consider talking to your doctor or a counsellor. There are compassionate professionals out there who can offer support and advice. The most important thing is not to let PCD damage your relationship or self-esteem. You’re normal and healthy – this is just one of those quirks of being human.
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