How to Convince Anyone of Anything

Making Good Arguments

Define the terms of the discussion. For certain arguments you may need to know more than just the facts. Don't waste time arguing about whether or not the Eiffel tower is pretty if you're trying to establish that it's iconic. Define your terms. Is it a moral issue? An aesthetic issue? An issue of personal rights and freedoms? For example, if you wanted to convince somebody that the Statue of Liberty was prettier than the Eiffel Tower, you will need to know enough of about architecture and aesthetics to argue about that subject, as well as the facts, like how tall each structure is, who designed each, and what set of criteria should be used to weigh the options.

Develop your reasoning. Making a good argument is like building a table--you want the main point to be held up by supporting reasoning like a table being held up by its legs. If you don't have that supporting reasoning and evidence, your table is just a piece of wood. Just as in an essay you'd craft a thesis statement, you need to define and articulate the main point you're trying to make and assemble supporting evidence that backs it up. If your main point is "Modern art is boring," what are your reasons for this proclamation? Are you basing your argument on the motivation of the artists? The inscrutability of the work? On the lack of popularity among "regular" people? Come up with your reasons and your point will be stronger.

Back up your reasoning with vivid examples and evidence. You need to use memorable and striking details that will illustrate your points for you. If you want to convince someone the Beatles are the greatest band of all time, it'll be tough going if you can't remember the name of "that one album" you like, or if you can't listen to any of the music to provide a common reference while you're having the discussion.

Do your homework. Make sure you understand your own viewpoint, whether it's a subjective issue like whether or not Goodfellas is better than the Godfather or whether you're trying to convince your parents to let you stay out later, or whether you're arguing about a moral issue, like capital punishment. Find out the facts first, without making any assumptions about the other person's point of view. If you are selling something, like a car, you will need to know all there is to know about the car you are selling. Likewise, you will need to know all about the other cars that are in competition with your vehicle.

Give an inch and gain a mile. Accepting one lesser point from the other person and showing that you can change your mind, and that you have mutual agreements in the matter will open up the other person to your side of things. If you're willing to concede certain points in the discussion to win the overall argument, you have the stronger position. The difference between discussions and arguments is that an argument has escalated past rationality and is driven by ego. One of you doesn't want to be wrong and you've decided you're going to keep pissing on the other's feet until one of you slips.

Styling Your Argument

Be as confident as you are assertive. We're drawn to confidence, and there's nothing you can do to bolster your point of view more than presenting it with conviction and the presumption of proof. No matter what you're trying to prove, if you believe it, you'll help your cause. Being assertive doesn't mean being unwavering and aggressive. Let yourself be confident in your side of the argument, but be open to alternatives. Cast yourself as an expert in the subject by using good examples and solid reasoning and make it easy for the other person to believe you. To convince someone that your perspective about the Beatles is valid, you're going to have to first make it seem as if you know what you're talking about when it comes to music.

Make it personal. While anecdotal evidence can be considered a logical fallacy, appealing to someone's sense of empathy and pathos by telling a personal anecdote related to the topic can be quite convincing. It doesn't necessarily "prove" what you're saying, but it might be enough to be convincing. If you want to convince someone that the death penalty is "wrong," you're going to have to appeal to their sense of morality, an inherently emotional argument. Learn stories of wrongfully-imprisoned people on death row and tell their story in a harrowing way, emphasizing the inhumanity of the system.

Stay calm. Raving like a lunatic is a poor way to convince anyone you're right. Being confident in the facts that you're presenting, in the evidence you're using to support your claims, and in the perspective you're bringing to the table will make it easy for anyone to be convinced of your points.

Understanding Your Opponent

Shut up and listen. The person who talks the most doesn't necessarily win an argument, or convince anyone of anything. Learning to listen courteously is the most underutilized way of constructing arguments. While it may not seem like an active way to be convincing, taking the time to learn someone else's points will allow you to convince them of alternatives. Learn to recognize their goals, beliefs, and motivations that guide their point of view.

Engage the person politely. Maintain eye contact, use an even tone of voice, and remain calm throughout the discussion. Ask questions and practice active listening while the other person is talking. Never interrupt them in the middle of a sentence and always be courteous. Establishing mutual respect is critical. You will never convince anybody of anything if they believe you do not respect them, so show the person you respect them and be good enough to gain their respect.

Identify the other person's objections and motivations. If you know what another person wants, you are more likely to be able to give it to them. When you've identified the motivations behind their point of view, rephrase your beliefs in a way that the other person is better able to understand. An argument about gun control may be focused on larger issues of freedom and personal responsibility. Discuss those issues instead of the particular. Ask questions of your opponent to get them to see the same gaps in thinking that you're noticing.

Gain the person's trust. Empathize and relate to their point of view, conceding points where necessary, but keeping your eye on changing their mind. If you work them into a corner of logic they can't escape from, you'll have convinced them, and they'll have accepted that it's ok to agree with you and change their mind, if you're a courteous conversationalist.