Deciding on an Illness
Try faking a cold or fever. Everyone recognizes the symptoms of these two common illnesses, so they are probably the easiest to pull off, especially at school. Since they are so contagious, it’s very likely you’ll be sent home. You’ll need pretend to cough, sneeze, sniffle, retch (if faking a fever caused by a stomach bug instead of a cold), and so on. Faking a fever will probably seal the deal for you. You won’t need a lot of props for this. Get a box of tissues and carry them around with you. you can either sneeze into or wipe your nose in them. While your nose is in the tissue, rub it a lot to make it look red. Make sure to use plenty of them. Applying a small amount of pale makeup will help you be slightly more convincing. A bit of white powder or pale foundation is all you’ll need to give yourself a pasty look.
Convince everyone you have diarrhea or a stomach flu. This one might be a little embarrassing, but it’s very effective if you want to go home from school. If you can deal with the awkwardness, it’s a good choice because it’s not usually challenged – if you have diarrhea, no one is going to want you around. You’ll need to polish off those acting skills for this one. If you’re afraid you can’t be convincing enough, you can always take laxatives. However, try to avoid this route if at all possible, since it will be very unpleasant for you. Be prepared to jump up in the middle of class with a stricken look on your face and run to the bathroom. You can also just run out of class without actually going to the bathroom, though do be warned that you may get caught if you do it this way. Remember to stay at least ten minutes out of class. Applying a subtle amount of pale makeup will help you pull this off. You can easily put the makeup on when you sprint to the bathroom.
Pretend to have a migraine. Since migraines don’t have as many visible symptoms as other sicknesses, your acting skills will need to be very good to pull this off. If you don’t have any props on you, a migraine is a good choice because you won’t need to alter how you look too much. Migraines are usually reoccurring, so if you convince the school nurse you have one the first time you try it, you can use it as an excuse to get out of school in the future, too. You’ll need to moan, rub your temples, look nauseous, squint, and pretend that lights and sounds are making you feel worse. A small amount of pale makeup will help you be convincing in this scenario, as well.
Showing Symptoms
Start early in the day. The sooner you start faking your symptoms, the sooner you can go home. You also want to avoid appearing completely fine for most of the day, and then “suddenly” start showing symptoms at 2pm. This will especially hurt your case if you are pretending to have a cold or the flu. You might be able to pull off a sudden migraine in the afternoon, but in most cases, you will need to start working on your ruse as soon as you get to school. When faking a cold/flu, make sure to start coughing, sneezing and blowing your nose as soon as class starts. If you cough really hard, it will make your throat a little scratchy and raspy and make you sound even sicker. Look rumpled, tired and unkempt. Ask your teacher for cough drops or lozenges if you are faking a cold/flu.
Apply pale makeup before class begins. Regardless of what sickness you choose to fake, looking pasty and exhausted will help you be more convincing. If possible, apply the makeup at home before you leave for school. That way, your parents will notice that you aren’t feeling well, too. If that’s not possible, hit the bathroom as soon as you get to school. Use a little bit of pale foundation and/or powder to make yourself look sick and tired. Lightly apply a dark eyeshadow under your eyes. If you’re faking a cold/flu, put a little blush or red makeup on the tip of your nose and in the inside corners of your eyes. This will give the appearance of sinus issues. Don’t overdo the makeup. You want it to look realistic. It shouldn’t be obvious that you have any on. If you need to, practice getting the right look at home the day before.
Don’t eat lunch and drink very little. Most illnesses, migraines included, will make you feel nauseous and unwilling to eat. For this reason, wolfing down a large lunch will look suspicious. Instead, pick at your lunch and sit with your shoulders slumped, your face flushed, and your forehead drenched in sweat. Look as miserable as you can. If anyone asks, say you feel sick to your stomach. Drink a small amount of water, slightly reluctantly, or a Sprite/7-Up. These beverages are well-known for relieving nausea. Ginger ale is another beverage option that people drink to help ease nausea.
Move slowly and appear dazed. All sicknesses are going to slow you down and affect how quickly you are able to think. Try to look as out of it as you can. Move around very little. When you do move, move slowly. Keep your pace sluggish when you walk anywhere. When a teacher asks you a question, look confused. Reply slowly and in a spaced-out way. Avoid sitting up straight at your desk – slump down and keep your eyes fixed on the surface of your desk. When you stand up from your desk, sway side to side a little so that you seem dizzy and lightheaded. Grab your desk so that it looks like you’re trying to support yourself.
Following Through
Jump up suddenly and race out of the classroom. If you are pretending to have a cold/flu, go just outside the classroom door and have a big coughing fit. Make it sound really brutal. Rub your palm in a circular motion on the tip of your nose hard enough so that it will look red and irritated when you go back inside. If you’re faking a migraine or stomach flu, you’ll need to run all the way to the bathroom. This is because a migraine causes vomiting and stomach flu causes either or both vomiting and diarrhea. Both vomiting and diarrhea usually strike suddenly, which is why you need to sprint like it’s an emergency. Make sure your facial expression conveys panic when you jump up. It will probably help to shout “I’m sorry!” over your shoulder as you head out the door, so that your teacher knows something is wrong. Sound as upset as you can when you say it.
Remain in the bathroom for 10 or 15 minutes, if you're faking the stomach flu. While you’re in there, cough loudly and make retching noises. Flush the toilet multiple times. Make a production of loudly washing your hands. Reapply a little pale makeup before you leave the bathroom. Then splash a small amount of water on your forehead so that you look clammy. Dampen the hair at your temples slightly. This will make it look like you’ve been sweating.
Go back to the classroom but don’t go inside. When you come back, hold your stomach as if it’s hurting you (if you're faking a stomach bug). Wave your arms a bit and do whatever you can to get your teacher’s attention from the hallway so that they will come speak to you privately. You will need to look apologetic, embarrassed and very upset at this point.
Whisper to your teacher what’s happening. It's convincing to a teacher if you ask them for advice or input about the situation, like, "What should I do?" That way they are forced into a position of giving you helpful advice, which will almost always be for you to go see the nurse. Let your eyes glaze over a bit or look like you’re on the verge of crying. Then: If you are faking a stomach flu, clutch your stomach and say, "This is so embarrassing, but I have diarrhea. I just got very sick in the bathroom. What should I do, do you think it will come back?" Look extremely humiliated. If you are faking a migraine, look nauseous and squint at any bright lights, then say, "My head is pounding and I feel really dizzy. I just threw up in the bathroom and I'm kind of freaked out by how much it hurts. Is something wrong with me?" If you’re faking a cold/flu, speak with a scratchy voice and say, "I feel really awful. My body aches all over and my head feels weird. I feel really cold, but I keep sweating. What does that mean?"
Look visibly upset. If your teacher doesn't seem to be buying your act, it's important to look like you're on the verge of tears. If you can squeeze one or two tears out, even better. Some teachers can be suspicious at first, but as long as you look teary-eyed, you should be good. Apologize to your teacher and avoid asking to go to the nurse. Instead, say something like, "I don't know what to do. I feel so awful. What do you think I should do?" Let your teacher suggest that you see the nurse.
Hit the bathroom again on your way to the nurse’s office. This is the final stretch – all you need to do now is convince the nurse that you need to go home. Check in the bathroom mirror to make sure your pale makeup looks believable. Add a bit more if necessary. Splash a little more water on your forehead and around your temples so that it looks like you’re clammy and sweating. In almost all cases, the deciding factor for you going home is whether or not you have a fever. All of these illnesses, except migraines, cause fever. This step won't work if using an ear or forehead thermometer. When the nurse takes your temperature, it needs to be 100°F (37°C) or higher.
Create your fake fever. Turn on the tap in the bathroom until it gets very hot. Then fill up your mouth with the hot water. Make sure your cheeks aren't puffing out so you don’t look too obvious. Immediately head to the nurse’s office. Right before you walk in, swallow the hot water. When the nurse takes your temperature, it will read that you have a fever. Make sure you look awful when you walk into the nurse’s office. Repeat whatever you told your teacher and be as convincing as possible. Don’t overdo it! School nurses have heard every excuse in the book. It will be obvious to the nurse that you’re faking if you over-act.
Don't ask the nurse to go home. It could blow your cover. Instead, let the nurse be the one to suggest it. The best way to get the nurse to suggest this is to act very convincing and say the right things. If the nurse is skeptical, say things like, "I knew I was feeling off this morning" or "I started feeling weird last night." If you're trying to fake a cold/flu say, "My body aches all over and my head is pounding." Have tissues with you and use them in front of the nurse. Avoid breathing through your nose so that you sound stuffy. If you're trying to fake a migraine/vomiting say, "I've never had a headache this bad before. It hurts so much that I feel nauseous. I just threw up in the bathroom." Squint and mention that lights and loud sounds make the headache worse. If you're trying to fake a stomach flu/diarrhea say, "I'm very nauseous and my stomach is cramping up. I have bad diarrhea and I'm afraid something embarrassing might happen." Be sure to clutch your lower abdomen and look a bit dizzy and sweaty.
Be consistent with your symptoms and pretend to “recover.” Make sure to show a few subtle symptoms when you come back to school after being “sick.” Otherwise, your teacher will probably get suspicious. Use a small amount of the pale makeup again so that you look pasty. Appear exhausted. You can return all the way back to normal after two days or so. If you were faking a cold/flu, try to cough occasionally when you return to class for at least a day or two.
Comments
0 comment