- Clench your glute muscles to make your fart quieter. Walk away from the area quickly to get away from the smell.
- Cover up the noise with a loud cough or by scooting your chair.
- Blame the fart on someone else if you have to. Act disgusted and look around while saying, “Who did that?”
Clench your glutes.
Make your farts quieter by squeezing your buttocks. Tighten your glute muscles as tightly as you can when you feel a fart coming on. If you do this long enough, you might feel the need to fart go away completely. If not, try letting it out a little at a time instead. Pulling your butt cheeks slightly apart can also diffuse the strength of the fart. It would be hard to do this without someone seeing, but you might be able to pull it off quickly behind a wall or in the bathroom.
Walk away quickly.
Get away from the area after you fart to avoid being blamed. This is known as “crop dusting.” If you’ve farted quietly in public, now’s your chance to make an exit. Walk away speedily, but don’t jog (that could call attention to you). Even if you have to stay in the room you’re in, you could move around the room. People aren’t as likely to realize you were the one who farted if most of the smell is where you’re not. If you feel a fart coming on, release it while you’re in the process of walking so the smell diffuses over a greater space.
Use a chair to make a noise.
Cover up the sound of your fart to get away with it. Scoot your chair slightly to make a “fart” noise, and let one rip right as you do. If you time it right, you can use the chair to cover up any noises, and no one will be suspicious at all. You could also drop a large book or cough loudly whenever you fart.
Spray perfume or put on scented lotion.
Mask the smell of your fart with something else. Do whatever you can to camouflage or reduce the smell if you’ve already farted in public. Even spraying yourself with hairspray can help camouflage the smell.
Walk somewhere that smells bad.
Cover up your fart with a different smell. No one expects a public bathroom or a dumpster full of trash to smell good. If you feel the need to fart coming on, head toward a stinky area so you can fart quietly without anyone noticing a smell. Or, if you’re in a grocery store, head for the seafood or fish aisle!
Blame someone else.
If you have to, point fingers at another person for the fart. It’s not ideal, but the blame game can work if you’ve been caught. If the people around you have started to notice a smell or they heard a sound, act disgusted and say something like, “Who did that?” or, “Ewwww.” Don’t react until others start to notice, though. When you see them sniffing the area and starting to realize someone has farted, that’s your chance. Act disgusted by the smell, and point it out only after someone else has. If you blame another person too fast you might identify yourself as the farter, following the old adage “whoever smelt it, dealt it.”
Avoid foods that make you gassy.
Cut down on foods that upset your stomach. If you notice that certain foods make you more likely to fart, try eliminating (or at least reducing) them from your diet. Common foods that often make people fart include: Beans, peas, and lentils Cabbage Onions Broccoli and cauliflower Beer Fatty foods, like cheese, avocados, and olive oil
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