How to Raise a Girl As a Single Father

Building a Relationship with Your Daughter

Keep the lines of communication open. Early on, create a benchmark of sharing your day with her and asking about her day. Encourage her to come to you when she needs to talk about the tough stuff, like crushes or bullies at school. Never shut her out or refuse to talk about a subject. Try to always be honest and keep the lines of communication open. Even if she pushes you away at first—keep trying but give her some space if she asks for it. Go for something straightforward like, “I'm here if you need to talk, okay? It doesn't matter what you want to talk about.”

Exercise good listening skills. Being an active listener is handy for the everyday discussions and the more serious conversations you have with your daughter. You may be tempted to rush into fixing the problem, but hear her out first. She may not want advice, but a listening ear instead. Learn to listen twice as much as you talk. Don't interrupt—hear her entire message before responding. Then, summarize what she said to be sure you understand correctly. Say something along the lines of “It sounds like you're saying…”

Get involved in her life. Take an interest in what's going on with your daughter. This helps you forge a relationship with her and also helps you get to know who she is as a person. If she's in the band, attend recitals or sit in on some of her practice sessions. If she likes soccer, volunteer to help coach the team or make sure to attend every game. Getting involved also means getting familiar with her friends, so invite them over for a barbecue or game night.

Give her space. It's natural for a father to want to protect his daughter, but being over-protective may push her away. Allow her the freedom to figure out who she is and to make some mistakes. Determine how much space you give based on her age and maturity level. For example, if your teen daughter hasn't given you any reason to distrust her, grant her permission to go to the movies with friends. You also shouldn't invade her personal privacy, no matter how tempting it may be. Avoid listening in on phone calls, reading her diary, or searching her room. If you're caught, you might lose her trust forever.

Addressing Her Needs

Prepare your daughter for menstruation. Girls typically start experiencing changes in their bodies between the ages of 8 and 13, with most girls getting their first period around 12 or 13. Talk to your daughter about these changes ahead of time and make sure she knows what to expect. You might say something like, "Honey, I really want you to feel comfortable talking to me about your body and your period. If you don't, you can reach out to Aunt Pam or Aunt Liz anytime, okay?" Help your daughter prepare for menstruation by checking out online resources and videos as well as talking to female friends or family about these subjects. KidsHealth.org is a great resource to learn about puberty and menstruation.You can also set up an appointment with your daughter's pediatrician to discuss puberty. For a healthy transition into puberty, be sure your daughter is eating a balanced diet, getting regular exercise, and sleeping around eight or nine hours each night.

Help her develop a positive body image. As changes happen to your daughter's body during puberty, she may also become more conscious of her looks and weight. Aim to be a positive role model and avoid making negative comments pertaining to women's bodies or appearances. Expose your daughter to positive female role models, in person and in the media. Local and national organizations, such as Girl Scouts or Girls, Inc., can also help her build a positive body image. Celebrate strengths unrelated to her appearance by praising her for getting good grades, being a great friend, or having the courage to stand up to a bully.

Be mindful of her stress levels. As a single dad, you might not notice when your daughter is overwhelmed or in need of a break. Create an open dialogue with her about schoolwork, homework, and household chores and be realistic about how much she can take on. Educate your daughter on the warning signs of stress overload, such as unexplained physical pains, a desire to withdraw from friends, and changes in eating and sleeping habits. Then, help her learn how to manage stress in different areas of life. For example, if she participates in various extracurricular activities and her grades start to slip, she may need to give up an activity to get more time to study. You can help her with homework or you can get her a tutor.

Building a Support Network

Reach out to female family members. Being a single parent doesn't mean you have to do it completely alone. Speak to your sisters, mother, and other female relatives about pitching in. These individuals can help your daughter through developmental changes like puberty or talk to her about topics you aren't able to relate to. If her mother is still in the picture, you can ask her to provide backup on certain discussions or questions, also. If her mother has passed away, you might want to reach out to members of her mother's family. This will help the girl stay close to that side of the family, and the mother's family might treat her similar to the way her mother would have.

Find external role models. In addition to asking your family to help out, you can also look to outside individuals like teachers, coaches, or the mothers of your daughter's peers. These individuals aren't meant to replace her mother, of course. They can help her navigate different experiences in life, however, or simply serve as a listening ear when she needs it.

Look for quality child care. You probably won't be able to be with your child around the clock. Hire a child care professional to pick up the slack. In addition to using this person to look after your daughter when you are working, take advantage of their services to get time away for yourself, too. Taking good care of yourself means you'll be in better shape as a parent. Ask around your community or get recommendations from relatives or other parents to find quality child care.

Join a support group for single parents. Parenting on your own may be a lonely experience, so reach out to others who can relate to you. Get to know other single parents in your community and form a support group that allows you to come together and share the frustrations and victories of single parenting. If you don't have the time to meet with an in-person group, you might also find support groups for single parents online.

See a family therapist, if you need it. It can be challenging to stay positive and encouraged while raising a girl on your own. If you need additional support or guidance, it may be beneficial to seek out the services of a professional therapist. A therapist can help you overcome different obstacles, such as communicating with your daughter or enforcing household rules. You can attend therapy alone, or you can go with your daughter.

Managing the Household

Establish a routine. Kids need structure, so do your best to build order into your daughter's life. Sit down and look at your schedule and hers and come up with a workable plan for you to follow. Keeping things as consistent as possible helps your daughter know what to expect. For instance, ensure that typical activities like bedtime and mealtimes are about the same each day.

Set clear limits. Communicate your expectations for conduct in your family and in your household. Make sure your daughter understands what you expect of her by sitting down together and going over your household rules. Also, be sure to voice any consequences of violating these rules. Base your rules on your daughter's age and maturity level. For example, if you have a younger child, you might focus on behavior in the house and schoolwork. Once she is older, you might include chores and certain privileges (like a curfew) in the rules. Setting a standard for expectations and consequences will serve as a foundation in teaching your daughter how to set boundaries as she gets older.

Assign age-appropriate chores. As soon as your child is old enough to handle some responsibility, give it to her. Household chores help your daughter develop autonomy and build character. From an early age, you might have your daughter clean her place at the dinner table and put away toys after playtime. As she gets older, divvy up other duties that help keep the household running, like feeding a pet, washing dishes, or sweeping.

Avoid spoiling her out of guilt. A common problem for single parents is feeling guilt about your circumstances. Many single parents manage the guilt of parenting alone by letting their child get their way. Don't spoil your daughter out of guilt. Are you being too easy on her because she's in a single-parent household? Question yourself when you're doling out consequences or assigning chores.