How to Tell if You’re in Love

• If you notice yourself taking more risks, planning for a more hopeful future, or taking steps to better yourself, odds are you’re falling in love.
• When you fall in love, your body releases hormones like dopamine that may make you feel excited, euphoric, and/or anxious.
• Love is different from being in love. When you’re in love, the feelings of love are involuntary and there’s an added element of romantic attraction.

Signs You’re in Love with Someone

You can’t picture a future without this person. If you’re really in love, then visualizing a future without this person is nearly impossible. Whether you’re daydreaming about moving to a new city, having children, or spending a year abroad, your thoughts always factor in the feelings and thoughts of the person you like. When you’re in love, not only do you see your loved one in your future, you’re excited by the prospect of them being there. Planning your life around them feels easy and fulfilling, rather than like an obligation or obstacle.

You think about them constantly. Love can feel obsessive. When you fall for someone, they cross your mind constantly. Even if they’re not around, you’re replaying conversations or wondering what they’re up to. When you read a book or see a movie without them, you wonder what they think. You may even want to call them just to hear the sound of their voice. When you love someone, your ruminations about them are usually positive. However, your thoughts may become anxious from time to time as you wonder if they feel the same way. Remember: this feeling is normal, especially if you have an anxious attachment style. If you want to think about someone less often, remove reminders of them by temporarily muting them on social media. In addition, try distracting yourself with other fun hobbies like painting, working out, or just spending quality time with friends.

Their opinions mean a lot to you. When you’re in love, you deeply value your loved one’s perspective (even on silly things). You may find it hard to make a decision without their input and will likely find yourself asking for their insights on art, politics, or social situations. If you’re trying to tell if this person has feelings for you too, see if they care about your opinion as much as you do theirs. If they’re interested and you have some friendship established, they’ll likely check in and ask for your thoughts on various things like work, school, or music.

They make you want to be a better person. The people we love make us uncomfortable with the status quo (in a good way) by challenging us to take our lives to the next level. If you’re falling for someone, you may find yourself working harder, adopting healthier habits (eating more nutritiously, exercising more), and behaving more kindly and wisely (actively listening, reading, and studying more) because you want to be the best version of yourself for them. However, your loved one will often make you feel like the best version of yourself already. Just their warmth and presence can make you feel more attractive (even if you’re rocking a casual look), more compassionate, and smarter.

You only have eyes for them. If you have a crush, you may notice your eyes wandering to other attractive people. However, when you’re falling in love with someone, other romantic possibilities tend to fall by the wayside. You want to be with them and only them, and wouldn’t jeopardize that by even considering dating somebody else. The feeling may not be this intense. It’s totally normal to be attracted to other people (even when you’re in love). The point is you would never consider actually pursuing them romantically.

You even appreciate their flaws. If you’re really in love, then can see your significant other as a real human being with real human flaws – not as a god or a goddess. You’re comfortable admitting that they can be a bit selfish or isn’t the world’s greatest listener, yet you adore them anyway. Being aware of your this person's flaws doesn't mean you shouldn't help them address them if that's the right thing to do. Love isn’t about ignoring each other’s imperfections; it’s about embracing them fully.

You take pleasure in helping them. Maybe it’s making this person lunch. Maybe it’s giving them a ride when they need one. Maybe it’s doing their laundry because they’ve had a rough week. When you’re in love, you’re more than happy to put in some extra labor to make your person feel appreciated and supported. When you’re in love, you don’t keep track of who’s helping who and how often. Your support is unconditional. If you only do tasks for your loved one because you want something or expect the same in return, it may not be true love yet.

They make you laugh. Humor is one of the most powerful signals of romantic attraction. If you’re in love, you’re able to goof off and laugh with your partner. Being able to giggle together and share jokes allows you to diffuse tension after hiccups in your relationship. It also shows that you’re comfortable enough (and happy enough) with each other to be in love. If your special someone can make you crack up even when you're in the worst of moods, then you may be falling in love.

You’re happy doing small, mundane things together. True love isn't like an episode of The Bachelor. Real intimacy means being able to find the fun in the small, seemingly monotonous things with your soulmate. If you get just as much joy having a beer together at your local bar or shopping for kitty litter as you would taking a helicopter ride to a romantic picnic in a vineyard, that’s a sign you’re smitten and your affection is built to last. While it may sound dull, enjoying unexciting tasks together is actually an extremely healthy sign of a relationship. Being able to appreciate the unglamorous aspects of love after the honeymoon phase dies down is a sign of trust and companionship.

The tough times don’t diminish your feelings. True love means being comfortable staying in a relationship during less-than-ideal circumstances. Sometimes, it’s a small hiccup like navigating each other’s busy schedules or a stressful week at work. Sometimes it’s major like a job loss or the death of a family member. Tough situations can test the strength of your relationship, and if you’re still willing and excited to move forward after all the difficulty, your love is very real.

You’re willing to step out of your comfort zone for them. When you’re in love with someone, you may find yourself trying new and unexpected things for them, even when (in fact, especially when) it makes you scared or uncomfy. Maybe it’s taking a far-away trip to see their distant relatives in Guatemala. Maybe it’s learning to swim because they love the water. If you've found yourself more comfortable with being uncomfortable, then you may be in love. Our loved ones often challenge us to take risks, whether or not they’re around. If you notice yourself trying to go on new adventures or expand your worldview, even if the person you like doesn’t know, that’s a great sign you’re not only in love, but this person is a positive influence.

You’re willing to compromise. If you’re really in love, then you recognize that you can’t always get your way. When you reach a crossroads or disagreement, you voice your needs and wants, but prioritize your partner’s needs in equal measure. Your goals shift to making a decision you’re both happy with, rather than winning the argument. Likewise, if the love is mutual and the relationship is healthy, your partner should be equally willing to compromise.

You adopt some of their traits while maintaining your individuality. If you’re in love, you might notice yourself picking up parts of your loved one’s personality. You may start telling the same jokes, listening to the same music, or wearing the same types of outfits. However, true love means you’re also able to maintain your sense of self. If you’re still comfortable maintaining your own interests and taking some alone time, then you’ve found a potential soulmate. If you’re truly in love, then you should be doing the following things: An easy way to maintain your independence in a relationship is to communicate your boundaries. Explain to your loved one kindly but clearly what activities you’d prefer to do on your own and why. You might say “I love hanging out, but I’d prefer to work out by myself. Exercising on my own allows me to clear my head each day and I want to be able to focus when we have dinner together.”

You can truly say what’s on your mind. When you’re in love, you’ll feel comfortable voicing all your opinions to this person, without holding back. Whether it’s revealing past mistakes and insecurities, airing our grievances, or spouting out hot takes you’re too afraid to admit in public, the right person will make you feel supported and validated. You won’t feel a need to edit yourself because they’ll be bored, angry, or apathetic. Being able to say what’s on your mind doesn’t mean always agreeing. In fact, if you’re able to actively listen and voice your concerns without making each other feel disrespected, that’s arguably an even stronger sign of security. Likewise, if you’re comfortable being vulnerable and showing your less-than-flattering sides to each other, that’s a healthy sign of intimacy. In fact, these imperfections can even strengthen your relationship!

You’re proud of this person. Taking pride in someone’s acts and accomplishments is a sign of empathy and intimacy. If you’re in love with someone, you may feel a sense of satisfaction or fulfillment when you’re in their company. You recognize their efforts to try and be the best version of themself and it inspires you. Studies show that feeling pride also increases our sense of self-worth and motivates us to work through otherwise difficult situations. In many ways, the pride you feel from being in love makes it easier to stay in love.

You feel a constant desire to compliment them. If you’re in love with someone, you may have a strong urge to express it through words of affirmation. You want to consistently encourage them with verbal affection since you find yourself pleasantly surprised by the seemingly endless good qualities that they demonstrate. You might talk about their sparkling conversational skills, their boundless well of compassion, or how they look graceful doing just about anything. While you may also want to compliment their looks, if all you can think of is, “You’re so hot” or “You’re so funny,” you might be experiencing lust or infatuation and need some time for it to develop into love. To give a quality compliment, be sincere and specific. For example, instead of “You’re pretty” (which sounds forced because it’s vague), you might say “Your hair looks stunning today” or “That outfit looks amazing on you.”

What does being in love feel like?

When you first fall in love, you feel charged and euphoric. The initial stages of love are often defined by attraction. When you experience attraction, your body releases euphoric, energizing hormones like dopamine and norepinephrine. Thus, it’s likely you’ll feel giddy or have trouble sleeping when thinking about your crush. Early on, you may also experience a sense of anxiety whenever you see your loved one. That’s because your body is releasing cortisol, an adrenaline-like chemical, which activates most often when the body is in an anxious state. In addition, when experiencing feelings of love and attraction, your body lowers its serotonin levels, which regulate your appetite. That’s why you often hear (and may even experience) a lack of hunger or cravings when thinking about your beloved.

Once your love settles, you feel more warm and comfortable. As time goes on and the feelings of lust switch into long-lasting attachment, your body starts to release oxytocin. Oxytocin, often nicknamed “the love hormone,” increases our feelings of trust, generosity, and overall well-being. However, it doesn’t produce the same rush of excitement that dopamine does. Therefore, when you truly love someone, it’s likely to feel less stimulating but more affirming. True love is often defined as a “well-being” experience. If you’re still experiencing nervousness or excitement around your crush, it’s likely your relationship hasn’t developed into long-term intimacy yet. Have faith; everyone’s love timeline is different.

Love VS In Love

Love doesn’t require lust or sexual attraction, but falling in love does. There’s a difference between loving and being in love. When you love something, you don’t necessarily experience the same chemical shifts that come with falling in love (dilated pupils, excitement, lust). In addition, your feelings don’t necessarily have to be romantic. However, if you’re in love with someone, there’s always a natural element of physical attraction and you have a craving for some form of romantic intimacy. For example, you may love your dog and experience a mood boat whenever you play with them. However, your body doesn’t experience an uptick in cortisol and dopamine when playing fetch. Think of “love” and “in love” like a rectangle and a square. You can love without being in love, but when you’re in love, you’ll always experience love.

Love can be controlled and paced, but falling in love is involuntary. Another key difference between “love” and “in love” is that love is something that can grow and develop over time. You have some degree of control and can consciously choose to nurture it. However, when you’re in love, the feeling of love is usually immediate; it’s there, whether you want it to be or not.

Remaining in love requires consistent effort. While being in love is often an uncontrollable feeling in our brains and guts, a loving relationship still requires constant work. Because love is less intense, it can remain over time without the same degree of attention and affection. However, because being in love requires more passion and intimacy, it must be constantly cultivated. Otherwise, those feelings can dissipate. For example, you may love a lot of distant relatives even though you only see them once or twice a year. That love may remain the same for your partner. However, if you don’t spend enough time together, your romantic connection may begin to fade.

You can fall back in love after falling out of love with someone. Because staying in love requires constant effort, it’s normal for couples to fall out of love when their intimacy starts to fade. Luckily, because the basis of attraction and affection is already there, it’s easy to rekindle that spark too. In fact, it’s possible that you may fall in and out of love a few times throughout a long-term relationship. Usually, you may feel like you’re falling out of love when you notice you and your loved one regularly bicker or neglect each other’s feelings. Oftentimes, these issues are easily solved by communicating effectively and making more time for each other throughout your week. As long as the overall love doesn’t fade away (the one you’d feel for all things you care about: family members, friends, pets), it’s normal (even healthy) for being “in love” to go through multiple up-and-down cycles.