Hyper Empathy: What It Is and How to Deal With It

• If you struggle with hyper-empathy, you feel empathy too intensely and take on others’ emotions as your own.
• Hyper-empathy causes strong physical and emotional reactions to other people’s suffering, and it can make you neglect your own needs to care for others.
• To manage hyper-empathy, learn to set healthy boundaries and prioritize self-care. This will help make sure you don’t neglect your own needs and emotions.

Hyper Empathy Overview

Hyper empathy occurs when you feel empathy too intensely. It means that you likely take on other people’s feelings as if they were your own, to an excessive and often distressing degree. Empathy, or the ability to sense other people’s emotions and imagine what they’re feeling, is an important part of human relationships, but when you become too in-tune with other people’s emotions, it can cause you anxiety or stress. Although many people use the terms “hyper-empathy syndrome” and “empathy disorder” to describe over-empathizing, these are not officially-recognized psychiatric diagnoses.

Empaths are more likely to experience hyper-empathy. An “empath” is someone who can feel other people’s emotions and understand their feelings deeply (though this is not an official psychiatric term). It can be hard to distinguish between a person who experiences empathy and a full-fledged empath. One difference could be that a person with empathy feels compassion for someone in pain, while an empath feels the other person’s pain as their own. Based on this definition, empaths are likely more susceptible to hyper-empathy because they naturally take on the feelings of others.

Types of Empathy

Cognitive Empathy Cognitive empathy is the ability to identify and understand other people’s emotions. When you experience cognitive empathy, you can understand another person's perspective and why they might feel a certain way.

Affective Empathy Affective empathy refers to the feelings you experience in response to other people’s emotions. Affective empathy can include mirroring other people’s feelings, or taking on their suffering. If you’re struggling with hyper-empathy, you might be experiencing more affective empathy than cognitive empathy.

Compassionate Empathy While empathy involves taking on another person’s suffering as your own, compassion involves feeling concerned for another person's suffering, which leads to a desire to help. Compassionate empathy combines these two things together. When someone is suffering, you empathically feel their pain, but instead of wallowing in the suffering with them, you feel a desire to help alleviate their suffering. This helps you focus on problem-solving and support, rather than your own experience of the other person's pain.

Signs & Symptoms of Hyper-Empathy

You take on other people’s emotions as if they were your own. If you’re hyper-empathetic, you experience the feelings of others to an intense degree. Whether they're experiencing joy, fear, excitement, or sadness, you feel that emotion in your own body. It can be a good thing to share in others’ positive feelings, but taking on their negative feelings can be draining. It’s important to focus on balancing your own emotions with the emotions of others. If you start feeling another person's distress as if it were your own, pause and take a deep breath. Try to identify your own feelings, and focus on separating them from the other person's feelings. Remind yourself that you’re there to show support and kindness, but not to take on their suffering completely.

You have intense reactions when someone is suffering. Over-empathizing with someone in distress can cause higher levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) in your own body. This means that you could experience some of the physical symptoms of stress and anxiety, including nausea, upset stomach, appetite loss, exhaustion, or difficulty sleeping. You might also experience emotional symptoms, such as sadness, depression, or frustration. If you experience physical and emotional symptoms in your own body when a loved one is suffering, don’t forget to take care of yourself, too! This might mean getting some extra rest, spending alone time to recharge, or doing activities that ground you, like meditating or spending time in nature.

You neglect your own needs or feelings to help others. If you experience hyper-empathy, you tend to be so focused on other people’s needs that you compromise your own. For example, if you have a friend who is going through a difficult breakup, you could stay up all night comforting them and talking through their feelings, leaving you exhausted at work the next day. Consistently prioritizing others’ feelings over your own can lead to difficulties like generalized anxiety or low-level depression. Caring for others is admirable, but it’s important to take care of your own needs, too. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup!

You’re quick to take the blame or assume you’re in the wrong. Because it’s your instinct to understand and empathize with others, you might have trouble asserting yourself in disagreements. You naturally understand where the other person is coming from, and you’re quick to accept that they’re right. In extreme cases, over-empathizing can leave you vulnerable to gaslighting because you deny your own perspective of a situation in favor of the other person’s perspective. For example, you might immediately believe someone when they say you’re being too sensitive, even if you’re having a perfectly normal reaction to a situation.

You feel exhausted and burnt out. If you experience hyper-empathy, you might develop empathy fatigue over time. Empathy fatigue is the physical and emotional exhaustion that can occur when you’re constantly absorbing others’ emotions. If you tend to feel tired or burnt out after spending time with a loved one who is struggling, you could be dealing with hyper-empathy. Acknowledge how you’re feeling when you’re experiencing symptoms of empathy fatigue, and be kind to yourself. It’s completely normal to need some rest or alone time after helping a loved one through a tough situation!

How to Manage Hyper Empathy

Increase your self-awareness. In order to manage excessive empathy, it’s important to be able to identify and express your own feelings. When you’re aware of your own needs, you’ll be less likely to neglect them to care for others. Developing self-awareness can take time, especially when you’re naturally inclined to prioritize other people’s emotions. Show yourself some grace and be patient as you’re getting to know your own needs. Try journaling. It can be cathartic to write your feelings down, and it can help you learn more about the way you process things. Practice mindfulness, which involves focusing on what you’re feeling in the present moment without judging yourself. This will help you become more aware of your feelings on a moment-by-moment basis.

Focus on self-care. If you struggle with hyper-empathy, you likely take care of others before you take care of yourself. Because of this, it’s extra important for you to prioritize self-care and schedule it into your routine. Self-care could mean taking a break from social commitments for a few days, so you can get some time to rest and recharge. It could also mean incorporating relaxing activities, like taking a yoga class or going on a walk in nature, into your schedule.

Set healthy boundaries. It’s especially important for hyper-empathic people to set boundaries around the amount of time and energy they can give to others. Otherwise, you might keep giving and giving even if you're feeling emotionally depleted or fatigued. First, decide how much time and energy you feel capable of giving to others while still taking care of your own needs. Once you’ve identified your boundaries, communicate them to your friends and family and do your best to stick to them. For example, you might decide you have enough energy for one social outing per week, or that you always need to be home from social gatherings by midnight. Or, you could decide that you need at least one weekend per month where you don't have any social commitments, so you can focus on self-care.

Practice self-compassion. If you experience hyper-empathy, you have endless patience and understanding for others, but you might be hyper-critical of yourself. To address this, try practicing self-compassion. This involves recognizing when you’re struggling and being kind to yourself in those moments. Practicing self-compassion can help address some of the symptoms of hyper-empathy, such as anxiety and depression, and it can promote healthier relationships with the people around you. Try to treat yourself the way you would treat someone you love. Imagine your best friend going through what you’re going through. What kind words would you say to them? Now direct these words of compassion toward yourself. Remember, you deserve the same kindness you would show to others!

Work with a therapist or counselor. It can be tough to address hyper-empathy on your own, and it’s completely normal to need help. You might benefit from working with a therapist or counselor who can provide a safe space for you to explore your feelings. Plus, they can provide you with helpful resources and strategies to address your symptoms. Ask a trusted friend or family member for a referral if they work with a therapist, or check online directories to find a therapist. Take your time researching and contacting potential therapists before making a choice. It can take time to find the right match for you!