Send “Hey” back for a quick response.
Match her level of effort and put the ball back in her court. Messaging back a quick greeting is a safe, friendly approach. At the same time, it says, “Hey, it’s your turn now” since the girl you’re messaging will have to figure out a way to continue the conversation. Include an emoji or try a variation of “hey” to add some personality. Or, add her name to start building rapport. “Hi, Clara :)” “Hey yourself” “Hey!” “Howdy.” “Hey to you, too.”
Ask “How’s it going?” for a low-stakes opener.
Try a casual approach if you’re looking for an easy conversation starter. Ask her how her day went or if she’s been up to anything cool. This is a classic opener because it’s not too personal, but it still creates a natural conversation flow. Ask follow-up questions based on however she responds. “Hey, how’s your night going?” Follow up: If she says her night’s going well, send something like, “What’s been the highlight?” “What are you up to today? Anything fun?” Follow up: If she brings up grabbing dinner with friends, say something like, “Oh cool. Where’d you go?” “Hi, how are you?” Follow up: If she says she’s good, add some fresh energy into the conversation by asking a question like, “So what does your ideal day look like?”
Start a conversation about her interests.
Show her you took the time to look at her profile to build connection. Let her know that something in her profile spoke to her. Point out interests you might have in common. She’s more likely to start sending longer messages if she can tell you’re genuinely interested in getting to know her. “So you’re a scuba diver? That’s crazy. How do you even learn how to do that?” “I love national parks, too, but I haven’t been to Yellowstone. How’d you like it?” For a smooth approach, try saying something open-ended like, “Hey, do you know what’s so refreshing about your profile?”
Ask her for an opinion.
Get to know her and make her feel valued at the same time. By asking her for an opinion you’ll learn about what she likes and doesn’t like. Try asking about anything from pop culture to dream travel destinations to favorite restaurants in your city. The key is to keep the conversation lighthearted and funny. You want to create a back-and-forth with good vibes. “What’s the best way to listen to music? Are you an anarchist who just hits shuffle or someone who likes playlists in order?” “If you had to pick between living by the ocean or living in the mountains, which would you pick?” “Hot take: Hummus is the best kind of dip. Agree or disagree?”
Challenge her to a flirty game.
Get her attention by starting up a bit playful competition. Rather than asking a regular question, give her a silly challenge—whether that’s a game of “Would You Rather” or something completely random. Sometimes women message “hey” on dating apps because they’re interested in you, but they’re used to someone else initiating the conversation. This strategy shows you can take initiative, and it sets up a fun conversation. “Can you finish this sentence for me? If we went on a date, I’d…” “I dare you to tell me your most unpopular opinion. You down?” “I challenge you to find your dog’s top 3 celebrity look-alikes. Go!”
Give her a compliment.
Flattery can help build attraction, and it shows you’re interested in her. Go for simple compliments about her photos, or stand out from other guys by complimenting her bio and personality. You don’t just want to compliment her—you want to show her a bit of your personality, too. “You have a gorgeous smile. But honestly, your bio is completely fascinating.” “Just from your profile, I can tell you’re the funniest person on this app. I’m impressed.” “Your profile’s wild… And you’re really cute. Want to get drinks on Thursday so I can tell you that again in person?”
Try a cheesy pickup line.
Pickup lines aren’t for everyone, but they’re a classic way to start talking. If you can, try to align the pickup line with something from her bio. If she has a picture at the beach, go for an ocean pun. If she mentions she’s a software engineer, go for a geeky line. After all, humor is one of the best ways to build a connection on a dating app. “Do you like raisins? How would you feel about a date?” “So you bike to work rather than taking the car, huh? Did your license get suspended for driving all these guys crazy?” “I’m also studying important dates in history. Would you like to go on one of them?”
Call her out in a funny way.
We all know “hey” isn’t the most ideal opener. By pointing out the obvious, you’ll be able to break the ice. This is especially true if the person you’re messaging is just shy or not great at starting conversations. Keep your responses kind and positive, and use a few emojis to show you’re just joking around. Try out any of these funny responses to “hey” on Tinder: “Woah. ‘Hey’ is a really scandalous opener. Let’s keep things PG! ????” “Want to try again? I’ll give you a second shot ????” “I don’t usually respond to ‘hey,’ but you seem pretty cool.” “I think ‘hey’ is the nicest thing anyone’s said to me all day.” “Slow down, girl. You had me at ‘hey.’”
Share a clever GIF.
She might’ve sent you just one word, but a picture tells a thousand words. You can show off your sense of humor and shake up the conversation with hilarious or adorable GIF. If you’re not sure what to send, you can never go wrong with a cute animal or a reference to well-known pop culture. Keep your references non-sexual (unless she says she’s cool with that) and you’re good to go. Send back a GIF of a an adorable penguin waving and saying “hey” back. Reply with a GIF of a polar bear and say, “Yes! You finally broke the ice.” Test her pop culture knowledge with a GIF from one of your favorite shows and see if she gets the reference.
Send back an emoji.
Emojis are a great option for moments when you don’t know what to say. Go for a classic ???? or ???? to send a friendly message. If you want to be mysterious and start a guessing game, send her a random string of emojis like ????????????. Here are a couple more emojis you could send: Send ???? to say, “Hey, I see you over there.” Message ???? to play it cool. Try a ???? emoji to get romantic. Respond with ???? to tell her that her profile’s amazing. Reply with ???? to show her you’re not impressed by “hey.”
Don’t respond.
Sometimes, one-word responses signal low effort or a lack of interest. Look through her profile and see if you think you two would be compatible. If you’re not seeing a lot of common ground and are feeling on the fence about replying, leave the message alone. There are plenty of other girls out there who’ll be down to start a conversation and match your effort. You can try giving her 1-2 days to see if she sends another message. If not, go ahead and move on. As a general rule in the dating world, if someone tends to respond with short messages and takes forever to get back to you, it’s time to move on. Want to get more matches on Tinder and boost your odds at finding someone amazing? Check out our dating coach’s advice here.
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