Celebrating a dowry-free Nikaah

THIRUVANANTHAPURAM: Sabir is not wealthy. And Sabeeda is not from a poor family either. But few who have riches hoarded away in banks and lockers would have the largesse to have a wedding like theirs. Dressed in a red saree that he paid for, she was bedecked with pretty ornaments bought from a fancy store, not costing more than ` 3,000. The feast was first served to the inmates of the Yateem Khana (orphanage) in Vallakkadavu, the low-budget hall of which was the venue of the wedding.  It was a follow-up on the revival of the website www.dowryfreemarriage.org, launched by the Kerala Mahila Samakhya Society to promote the anti-dowry campaign, that took the City Express to this couple who dodge the limelight. The website, launched in March 2010, had caught the attention of Sabir, a native of Manacaud who did electrical contract work. “I had always had this idea, though I was not sure how practical it was,” remembers Sabir. “That was when I came to know of this new initiative. I went to the office of the Society in Thiruvananthapuram and met its State Project Director Seema Bhaskar. A chat with her gave me a clearer picture about what could be done.”  Though Sabir kept track of the website in the hope of finding a like-minded partner, it was elsewhere that he found his bride. Sabeeda was his friend’s younger sister and a woman, he realised in due course, of rare grit, who took pride in sparing her family the burden of an extravagant wedding parade. “My mother’s relatives thought it scandalous to have a girl married off without gold ornaments. It took a lot of coaxing to convince all of them. But my mother, employed in Vikas Bhavan and father, an NRI, stood by us once Sabir assured them it was more about setting an example,” says Sabeeda, her charming smile and lively spirits outshining the fancy pearls that she wore.  “Only if men took the initiative can social evils like these be done away with,” says Sabir. “According to the traditions of Islam, the groom has to bear the expenses of a marriage and has to give ‘mehr’ (dowry) to the girl’s parents as a token of gratitude for giving her hand in marriage. And the groom is also expected to offer the wedding feast to the guests, which is known as ‘Valeema’. It is now synonymous with a grand post-wedding reception hosted by the groom.” Sabir married Sabeeda on November 28, 2010. They did not tie a ‘tali’, “As it is not a traditional practice among Muslims and is just an extra expense,” and instead exchanged finger rings, the only gold ornament that found a place in the ceremony. “Our wedding clothes, my ornaments and a few other outfits, all of which he bought, would have cost around ` 10,000,” says Sabeeda as Sabir listens nonchalantly. “I really don’t want to offend anyone and never wished for any media attention. It was just a spontaneous reaction to watching rich people marry other rich people, while the poor ones go bankrupt trying to match the splurge.” Sabir had invited Seema Bhaskar, who attended the wedding along with two other members of the Samakhya Society.  Sabeeda had promptly cleared her CA intern just before the wedding and is now employed as a Chartered Accountant with Ernst & Young in Technopark. And Sabir is all set to leave for the Gulf in November, hopefully, after celebrating their first wedding anniversary. Though none of their friends have yet had the courage to follow suit, Sabir is glad that the website for dowry-free marriages is garnering plenty of registrations.