Aziz Ansari Sexual Assault: The Confusing Case of Consent and Privilege

In nearly a 100 years, the times have evolved rapidly from women marching on streets for their basic rights to now opening up about their unfortunate sexual encounters and bringing down men in power. 2017 saw one of the biggest movements in the entertainment industry wherein a lot of actresses decided to open about their experience of sexual assault in Hollywood, bringing film mogul Harvey Weinstein, and others, to their knees. And sending the message to sexual predators globally, as Oprah Winfrey said in her Golden Globe acceptance speech, that their 'Time's Up'.

But what if the man isn't actually a predator? What if he's just an average man celebrated for his 'woke' views from racism to identity crisis and feminism? What if he is accused of sexual assault? Well, the answer can be found by closely examining the recent case of Aziz Ansari. One of the most celebrated comedians in Hollywood today, the Indian-origin American recently won his first Golden Globe, for the popular and progressive Netflix show Master of None, while wearing a Time's Up badge in support of the movement that encourages victims of sexual assault to come forward and speak up.

But just days after his woke win came an allegation through an anonymous interview on a news website called Babe, wherein a 23-year-old photographer gave details about her sexual encounter with the celebrity and how the night she expected to be one of the most memorable ones, turned into a nightmare. In the detailed account, Grace (a name given to protect her identity) recalls how her preferences weren't asked right from the moment her wine was poured to the time when she didn't feel comfortable enough to indulge in sexual intercourse and felt uncomfortable with Ansari's course of action and the moves he made. Throughout the article, she maintained that she tried to explain her discomfort using various non-verbal cues but Ansari didn't seem to care about it till the time she openly and clearly refuted with a No and decided to go home, after another 'cringe-worthy' make-out session.

Now, facts from this very account have opened up a serious debate all over the internet, the most prominent one being on non-verbal cues.

Ansari comes from the crop of males who have fought their way up to their current position facing various hurdles and sincerely believing in equality. However, gender equality is a sensitive topic. Grace's account fires up a larger debate of 'consent' and how even a woke man like Ansari didn't realize that he was doing something wrong despite being a grown up with an admittedly high intellect.

People defending Ansari are saying that no one can 'assume' that you are uncomfortable until you say something and the man took the clue the moment Grace said No. Fair enough. But at the same time, this argument has its own flaws. As in why was it hard for Ansari to understand that Grace was feeling uncomfortable when she was trying to stand up whenever he was holding her. Is it that tough? Well, apparently it is.

The self-enlightened feminist males don't see women as weak victims, they feel that if they are doing something wrong or crossing the line, the woman concerned will be direct with them and stop them, but what they forget is that females themselves have to break through many layers of societal pressures and layers to voice that one 'No'. To realize what they desire (or not desire) is normal and at what point is it okay to voice their discomfort during a consensual sexual activity is not something all young girls raised up in a patriarchal society would know.

The feminist writer and speaker Jessica Valenti tweeted, “A lot of men will read that post about Aziz Ansari and see an everyday, reasonable sexual interaction. But part of what women are saying right now is that what the culture considers ‘normal’ sexual encounters are not working for us, and oftentimes harmful."

Years of sexual dominance has led men to believe in a set sexual script that they have adapted as 'normal'. Even the progressive males adhere to that 'normal' in many ways. They might include more of a binary verbal conversation of a yes and no into the scenario, but asking after every step is not yet fed into their minds. They are happy when women lead the way in the action, but if they have to make a move, the centuries-old dominance takes the wheel and they follow the traditional 'normal', despite dissing it all along outside the bed.

It is easier for woke men to say and support things they haven't been entitled to for centuries. While it is a great thing to support the shaming of sexual assaulters, these woke men are creating another structure of privileged dominance within the prevalent rape culture. Aziz Ansari's case is just one of the many examples. The fact that Ansari's actions appear so normal, and not 'assault like' is because the same has been experienced by nearly every woman one way or the other. While some cry it out alone, others make fun of it with their friends while staying awake at night contemplating if it was actually an assault or just one of the many 'normal bad-encounters'. Everybody has them, right?

Other Ansari supporters are taking the route of 'shaming the celebrity is easy' route, in a way agreeing with what actor Matt Damon controversially called a 'culture of outrage.' Where they say that "we’re living in a time when men are having their careers jeopardized on the basis of one anonymous allegation with no due process and when society is failing to differentiate between degrees of behavior — from a man just making the first move to committing criminal assault."

Writer Caitlin Flanagan, in her article for The Atlantic, suggests that perhaps Grace should have taken more responsibility for putting a stop to things. She writes, "Was Grace frozen, terrified, stuck? No. She tells us that she wanted something from Ansari and that she was trying to figure out how to get it. She wanted affection, kindness, attention.." She further stands by Ansari by writing, " And what she and the writer who told her story created was 3,000 words of revenge porn. Together, the two women may have destroyed Ansari’s career, which is now the punishment for every kind of male sexual misconduct, from the grotesque to the disappointing."

And mind you, Flanagan isn't alone.

In a time where every woman is a victim of sexual assault in one way or other, every account counts for a victory, while every account regarding a celebrity is assessed for its accountability. Ansari issued a statement on the entire situation saying, "I got a text from her saying that although ‘it may have seemed okay,’ upon further reflection, she felt uncomfortable. It was true that everything did seem okay to me, so when I heard that it was not the case for her, I was surprised and concerned. I took her words to heart and responded privately after taking the time to process what she had said."

Maybe it's hard for Ansari to grasp that he has sexually assaulted someone, just the way it would've been hard for Grace to accept that she was assaulted by one of the most progressive and vocal entertainers today. This entire confusion regarding consent has opened up another Pandora's box for men and women all around the globe to reflect upon the progressive 'rape culture', questioning what's okay for them vs what' 'okay' according to the society.

A major shift in the set sexual notion is the requirement of the hour that recognises even the smallest abuse of power. The real culprit here is the patriarchal thinking and privileged entitlement that has made the entire episode into a 'confusing case of consent' and 'assumptions', that neither Ansari defenders can deny, nor Grace's supporters.