Has anyone noticed how weddings and common cold are similar? Both are contagious and seem to be affected by weather change. Nothing else explains how suddenly most people one knows are either sniffling or sending out wedding invites. It could also be the biological clock.
The first announcement was sitting in my inbox with the subject line jubilantly declaring, “I am getting married people!” A week back the same friend was single and mingling. Before one could react to that news, another friend called and declared she had a marriage proposal and was “seriously thinking” about it. Again, in a week from having no suitors she was suddenly thinking matrimony.
In the course of describing how their sudden decision to tie the knot had come about, both friends declared, “I am very happy. But the guy is not very good looking,” and then somewhat defensively, “but he’s a sweetheart.” Congratulations later and having seen their to-be spouse’s pictures, one realized that both girls – despite being downright stunning to look at – were marrying men who were rather plain. It reminded one of an old adage, “Langoor ke moonh mein angoor.”
Now a recent study by Columbia University suggested that good-looking people prefer to date equally good-looking people, at times even people who are better looking than themselves. Yet here were two of my very good-looking friends settling for rather plain men.
It’s not just my friends either. Many celeb couples too seem to follow the norm of pretty-woman-average-bloke: Ajay Devgan-Kajol, Azharuddin-Sangeeta Bijlani, Priyanka Gandhi-Robert Vadra, SRK-Gauri Khan (he wasn’t a superstar then!), Juhi Chawla-Jai Mehta… Since these were all love marriages one could perhaps say love perhaps is blind. Both my friends however are going in for arranged marriages and love is nowhere in the picture.
Jog your memories dear readers and tell me, how many times have you heard someone comment, “She is not pretty at all, how did she manage such a hot husband?” Or the other way round, “Look at him, he’s not good looking at all, how did he get himself such a beautiful wife?”
Several conversations and some research later one found that indeed the popularly held belief was: Ugly (or not-so-good-looking) men bag the prettiest girls. But is it really true?
Before you read further, tell us what you think:
1. How important are looks when it comes to finding a suitable partner?
2. Do good-looking people have better chances of finding love or a spouse?
3. ‘Plain’ people have good-looking partners: Myth or reality?
NEXT PAGE >>> What’s HE got that I ain’t got?
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It’s no secret that most matrimonial ads, especially for girls, will read thus: ‘Good looking girl, well-educated, homely, working, etc.” Even ads for boys today – after mentioning ‘earns in six figures’ – will say how he is tall, good looking, etc. Given that pictures exchanged in the arranged marriage scenario are mostly professionally shot, it’s a case of showing your son/daughter/yourself in the best possible “light”. And then of course there is Photoshop.
How important are looks when it comes to falling in love or finding a life partner and how does one ensure not being left behind single? When it comes to responding to good looks, many a research has proven that other than some cultural differences, most people react to a similar set of signals or criterion.
From the symmetry of faces (which means symmetrical, cute babies), the size of the hips (a low waist-hip ratio means more fertile women), how another person smells and the facial features (‘feminine’ women and ‘masculine’ men have more chances of ‘mating’), there are some standard things that most people find attractive. And most of them have to do with eventual reproductive ability and how good a dad/mom you will make.
However, when you are looking at dating someone or catching an interesting prospect’s eye at the office party, you are hopefully not thinking babies instantly. If we keep marriage aside for the time being: What makes some ‘plain’ men and women more of a hit with the opposite sex?
In a quick survey amongst friends and colleagues, 57 per cent of those polled said that plain people score more with the opposite sex because they don’t rely only on their looks and usually have other qualities going for them. Like using their brains or their sense of humour.
“He makes me laugh” is something many women list as one of the most desirable traits in a man. “He likes me for who I am,” is another one, which basically means you don’t go comparing your woman to a swimsuit calendar model or some such thing. Some women said that a plain looking man treats women better than a good-looking one. Why? “Because a plain looker doesn’t think he is God’s gift to womankind,” replied one girl.
Then there could be other not-so-pleasant reasons too… No woman, pretty or otherwise wants to think that her man will stray. In such a scenario a man’s lack of looks can at times become insurance against his cheating on a woman. It is also thought that since good looking people will probably too full of themselves – both men and women – they will not have time for another person in their life.
Of course when it comes to marriage and making babies, we’re talking a different ball game.
NEXT PAGE >>> It’s neither love nor is it looks…
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To start with, most researches and surveys say that men lay more importance on their partner’s looks even if the said man is not as good looking himself. Women on the other hand look for stability and the qualities in a man that can give her that stability.
A 2007 research by Thomas Pollet and Daniel Nettle of Newcastle University that was published in the journal Biology Letters says that in the marriage market it’s a man’s riches and not his looks that are the most important criterion. To put it simply: He who provides, gets the pretty bride. Does that mean that a really ugly but rich man can get a beautiful wife? Yes, if you look at cases like the VERY rich Donald Trump and Melania Knauss. But that doesn’t mean the plain guys have no chance…
“Have a big car, make her laugh, spend money on her and anyone can win over any woman,” jokes a hit-with-chicks male friend has to say who doesn’t even have a big car. “Look pretty all the time, talk smart only when he wants you to and laugh at all his jokes,” smirks a lady friend who makes men go weak in the knees has to say. Neither of them is good looking. Yet both of them seem to have some characteristics in common: Both can talk well, dress up smartly, have a sense of humour and are very confident.
It’s the same with marriage: It’s not about not about the looks as anyone with a little common sense will tell you looks don’t last, gravity always gets its way. Of course some will argue that in today’s age of medical and technological advancement, looks can be ‘upgraded’ or changed. However, not everyone can afford to do a Demi Moore at 43 years of age: She allegedly paid a whopping $ 420000 and even got her knees fixed.
To make a marriage last it takes more than looks: It takes patience, understanding, mutual respect for each other and a willingness to look past (some) faults and irritating habits. It also takes a fair bit of compromise and even a willingness to share your money. And these basics are the same whether you are good looking or not. Once the looks fade, you’ve got to make the other things work.
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