How to Talk to Strangers on Instagram

Follow them before you send a message.

Give them a chance to see who you are. Sending a follow is pretty low-stakes. It shows you're into what the person is posting and you're interested in seeing what they post next. And if they follow you back, they'll be more likely to see your message if you DM them. If you DM someone who doesn't follow you on Instagram, it goes into a filtered inbox, so they might not see your message for a while.

Like and comment on a few pictures to get their attention.

Dropping hearts is a subtle way to start your connection. Scroll through their feed and double-tap on 3 or 4 of their best shots. They'll be alerted that someone's reacting to their photos, which can encourage them to check out your profile before you even say anything. Let them know you're interested in more than just their looks by liking photos that show off their interests—not just their most fire selfies! You might also leave a comment or question on a picture you like. For instance, if they're wearing something amazing, you might say, "I love those shoes, where did you get them??" It's okay to like the stuff they posted within the last few months, but try not to go any older than that. It can seem a little creepy if it looks like you're going through everything they ever posted to IG.

Send a DM saying how you found their profile.

This can help your message seem less out-of-the-blue. Did you see them on a dating app and find the link to their IG on their profile? Or maybe you have a ton of followers in common and they keep popping up on your Explore page. This is a great way to open an introduction because it helps you seem less random and more like an actual person. Try saying something like, "Hey Kim, I was scrolling my Explore page and I saw your profile. Your art is incredible so I had to say hi!"

Mention what you like about them.

Tell them what made you want to reach out. Obviously something caught your eye, right? So let them know what that is! It's a slick way to give them a lighthearted compliment, but it will also give them insight into what you're all about. Say something like: "Your IG aesthetic is so cool!" "I love your whole vibe." "I saw you were into roller derby and I thought that was awesome." "We have a ton of the same friends, so I figured we'd probably get along!"

Reply to their story for a natural way to spark up a chat.

Story responses get sent as a DM. A story reply is pretty much the same thing as leaving a comment on a picture, but the conversation is private. Some people are more likely to chat in DMs than in the comments on their page, so you might have better luck striking up a conversation this way. If they post a video of their puppy in their story, you might send a reply that says something like, "OMG your puppy is SO cute! What's their name?" If their story has pictures of a delicious-looking meal, you could reply, "I love that place but I've never tried that! How was it?"

Bring up something you have in common.

Check their profile to find shared interests, mutual friends, or places you've both been. Scroll through their feed, keeping an eye out for anything that you can relate to. Maybe you both love to eat at the same restaurant, or maybe you took a trip to the same spot. Let them know about it, and ask them questions to keep the conversation going. Say something like: "Hey, I see we both have pics with Jeff. How do you know him?" "We were in the same marathon last year! What was your time?" "I noticed you post a lot of vegan food. Where's your favorite vegan place in the city?"

Send them a picture.

Share a shot of something cool or relevant. Instead of a selfie, send them something that's relevant to something they like or something they mentioned on their IG feed. That can take some of the pressure off trying to come up with the perfect conversation starter—it's up to them to decide how to respond! If they post about trying to find the best pizza in the city, you might send a pic you took of a truly epic pie. If their most recent post is a pic of them in front of a colorful mural, you might send a picture you took of yourself in the same spot.

Shoot them a link to an event or article.

Just make sure it relates to something they're into. If you come across a news story, press release, or event page that reminds you of this person, let them know! Drop the link into their DM with a short message that lets them know why you thought they'd like it. If they mention on their story that they're looking for something fun to do on the weekend, you might post where your band is playing, for instance. If they're into making jewelry, you might send them an article about a new method of producing lab-created gemstones. You could also send a book recommendation if you've read something you think they'd like. For instance, if they're passionate about social justice, you might say something like, "I just finished A People's History of the United States and it was so profound! Have you read it?"

Stick to lighthearted topics.

Keep the conversation positive so they'll stay interested. Just like in real life, having a good attitude can go a long way toward helping you make new connections on Instagram. Talk about things that excite you and make you happy, like your hobbies and passions. Compliment the other person, and try to find something positive to say no matter what you're talking about. They'll see you as more likable, so they'll be more likely to listen to what you have to say. Avoid hot-button issues like politics, religion, and social issues.

Give them time to respond.

Don't keep messaging over and over if they don't say anything. That just seems creepy and overbearing. Instead, send a message and then wait for a response. Also, keep in mind that if the person isn't following you, your message might get sent to a filtered folder, so they may not see it for a while. Instagram has a feature where you can see if someone has read your message. If it says "Seen" but there's no response, it's best to move on.

Pay attention to their tone when you're messaging them.

Tailor your responses so you're matching their energy. If they're sending short messages and taking a long time to answer, don't send a whole wall of text. If they seem really serious, avoid getting overly silly or flirty. On the other hand, if they're responding quickly to your messages and they seem really into it, feel free to banter back and forth and have fun! Also, try to stick with the thread of the conversation. It can seem a little off-putting if you abruptly veer away from the topic. Be a good listener by asking follow-up questions about whatever the other person is saying. Share your own thoughts, as well, so it doesn't seem like you're just interrogating them.