The Silliest Ways to Reply to "How Are You?"

“If I had a tail, I’d wag it!”

Replace “good” with a playful phrase if you’re doing well. There are plenty of ways to say “I’m doing well!” or “I’m good!” when someone asks how you are. And, since “I’m good” is a pretty run-of-the-mill response, shake it up with something silly that still tells someone you’re having a fantastic day. “Somewhere between better and best!” “If I were doing any better, I'd hire you to enjoy it with me!” “Dangerously close to fabulous.” “I’m so great I have to sit on my hands to keep myself from clapping.” “Word on the street is that I'm really good.” “If I were any better, I'd be illegal.” “Doing well, unless you have an airborne illness and have just infected me.” “Way better than I deserve!” “Nice and dandy like cotton candy.”

“I’m pretty standard right now.”

Tell them “Fine” or “I’m okay” in a silly way. Everyone has those days where they don’t really feel “good” or “bad” but somewhere in the middle! So, instead of saying “I’m fine” and leaving it at that, try giving a funny, non-standard response that still tells them you’re doing okay—not terrible, but not absolutely fantastic either. “Somewhere between ‘blah’ and ‘meh.’” “Not bad. Could be better. Could be payday.” “Can’t complain…I’ve tried, but no one listens.” “Hopefully not as good as I’ll ever be!” “Well, I haven't had my morning coffee yet and no one has gotten hurt, so I'd say so far, so good.” “Different day, same existence.” “I have a pulse, so I must be okay.” “Better than some, not as good as others.” “All right so far, but there's still time for everything to go horribly wrong.”

“Well, I’m still alive!”

Use an irreverent remark to tell someone when you’re not okay. Bad days happen, and sometimes it’s tough to admit that you’re really feeling under the weather about something. However, using humor might make it a little easier. Rather than just saying, “I’m doing bad,” a clever response may convey your message and keep the conversation relatively light. “Just hug me and leave it at that.” “Great, stellar, fantastic... but dead inside.” “I'm still sucking air.” “Rolling with the punches.” “I’m totally prepared for the end of the world.” “Real terrible, thanks for asking.” “Surviving!” “Partly cloudy with a chance of a breakdown.” “I'm just in survival mode. And you?”

“Navigating the twists and turns of life!”

Let someone know when life is stressing you out. Feeling stressed out about work, family, or other commitments? A little stress or worry is common sometimes. If you want to share how you’re feeling (without necessarily gushing about the entire situation), use a funny quip that tells someone you’re stressed out, but managing. Plus, humor and laughter can alleviate your stress. “I’ve been going through some crests and troughs in my life.” “Living a life of denial and suppressed rage.” “I could really go for a massage.” “Overworked and underpaid.” “Under renovation.” “I’m ready for a nap.” “In need of some peace and quiet.” “I'm 34, and I feel 104.”

“Hunting dragons!”

Say something absurdly silly if you don’t know how to answer right away. Sometimes, you may not have a straightforward answer, even for a simple question like “How are you?” For example, you may still be processing some feelings about your day, or you might simply be super busy and not have time for a full conversation or text exchange. Instead, give a quick and unconventional answer to the question. “Fair to partly cloudy!” “Armed and ready!” “Medium well.” “Whoa, you can see me?!” “Dancing to the rhythm of life!” “Not today, Satan!” “I'm busy taking over the world.” “I’m high-quality, organic, and 100% grass-fed.”

“Do I have to answer?”

Make a vague quip if you’d rather not answer the question fully. If you really don’t feel like talking about your feelings or current state of mind with someone, give them a funny but ambiguous answer (without really answering their question). That way, they won’t feel like you’re ignoring them—and you won’t feel like you’re being put on the spot and forced to share anything you don’t want to. “They told me you would ask me that…” “I’ll let you know when I figure it out.” “My lawyer says I don’t have to answer that question.” “Maybe one day you'll be lucky enough to find out.” “My psychiatrist told me not to discuss it with strangers.” “I’ll leave that up to your imagination.” “You go first so we can compare.” “Next question, please.” “Your question is registered! We’ll try to get back to you ASAP.”

“Oh, just living the dream!”

Reply with a sarcastic remark to make them laugh. Plenty of people find sarcasm super funny, so why not tickle their funny bone and give a sarcastic answer to the question? Just remember—sarcasm usually works best in person when you can use your face and tone of voice to tell the joke. Over text, it’s usually best when used on someone who already knows you (and your sense of humor) well. “Oh, stop it, will you?” (Try saying this like they’re giving you a compliment, although they’re not.) “Oh, just another day in paradise…” “Not so good, but I plan on lying at the press conference.” “Fantastic! I'm absolutely ecstatic to be asked that question for the thousandth time!” “Do you really want to know? My answer might shatter your illusions of a perfect world.” “I'm living the life of a millionaire socialite. Well, in my dreams at least.” “I'm absolutely fabulous, like a rain cloud on a sunny day.” “I'm doing so well that I might just burst into a spontaneous song and dance routine!”

“Like you, but better.”

Tease them gently with your response. Family, friends, and significant others often find ways to poke fun at one another in a playful, lighthearted way. So, the next time someone you’re close to asks how you are, try answering with a teasing comment to spark a little lighthearted banter between the two of you. Just remember to save your teasing for people you know really well already! For example: “At minding my own business? So much better than most people.” “Huh? Stop being so nosy!” “Things could be worse. I could be you.” “Great, until you showed up!” “Why do people ask that kind of thing anyway? “Your attempt at social interaction is acknowledged.”

“Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!“

Use a line from a movie to capture your current mood. Some of the most memorable movie lines (like the one above from Mary Poppins) are also super relatable. Try quoting a line or two from one of your favorite films the next time someone asks you how you are—particularly if it’s a line (and movie) you think they’re familiar with, too. You might be surprised by how many iconic movie quotes fit with this question! “I’m like a box of chocolates; nobody knows what they’re going to get.” (from Forrest Gump) “I’m the king of the world!” (from Titanic) “You talking to me?” (from Taxi Driver) “You can’t handle the truth!” (from A Few Good Men) “I see dead people!” (from The Sixth Sense) “I’m in a glass case of emotion!” (from Anchorman) “Really, really ridiculously good-looking." (from Zoolander) “I’m a loner, Dottie, a rebel." (from Pee-wee’s Big Adventure)

“Everything is fine with you around.”

Say something flirty if you’re crushing on the other person. When your crush (or significant other, for that matter) asks how you are, why not seize the chance to flirt with them a little? Reply to their question in a way that also tells them you’re interested—or if you’re already together, how much you love being around them. “So much better now you’re with me.” “I’d be better if you asked me out.” “Incredibly good looking.” “Getting better with every passing minute.” “Oh good, you finally asked!” “Great, but I’m totally biased.” “Well, that's for me to know and you to find out.” “Kinda bored. Want to come over?” “ I’m single and ready to mingle.”

“How am I doing what?“

Open up the exchange with a funny question if you want to keep talking. “How are you?” is sometimes used in passing between people who don’t really plan to stop and chat—but it can also be used to segue into a longer conversation. If you’re interested in having a longer chat, give a reply and ask them how they’re doing too—or, alternatively, ask a funny question that prompts them to respond in turn. For example: “Me? I’m wondering how you are…” “Physically? Mentally? Spiritually? Financially? Socioeconomically? I’m not sure what you mean!” “Do you want an honest answer or the one you were expecting?” “Compared to who?” “I don't know, you tell me. How am I right now?” “I've heard various opinions. What's yours?” “Why? What are they saying about me?!” “What's with the third degree? Are you a cop?”